


Irrationality;; 愚蠢

by xingnini



Series: So This Is Love [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ancient China, Angst, Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Nobility, Peasants' Revolt, Rebellion, Revolution, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 19:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11996790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xingnini/pseuds/xingnini
Summary: What do you get when a tornado meets a volcano? Exactly what happens when an escaped snarky scholar crashes into a fiery peasant who was simply carrying his rice.





	1. 开始 [Zitao]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg hi im crossposting this and i wrote this when i was a wee lil writer, uneducated and everything, SO pls dont give me shit about first pov and historical/lingual inaccuracies jsdhfhfhf i will fix it if i ever have time but i neVER HAVE TIME so yeh

****Damn, making me run out during the middle of house chores because he can't do a single thing right!! What commoner doesn't know how many squash seeds go into one plot!!! I am pretty sure I told him this last week, too!! He can't even be left alone when it's his turn to go out into the commons!!

 

— Spotted.

 

Curled up, leaning over the plots confused.

 

"Xiumin!! I'm going to kill you!!" I screamed while charging towards him.

 

Panic struck his face as he got up, mud and all, and ran towards the commons' herd of goats.

 

He thinks I can't find him there or something?

 

I went to the goat with the black spots all over its back and smacked its rear, so it could reveal a hiding Xiumin. "Zitao, it was a mistake!! I don't know what I'm doing!!"

 

"Stupid!! You never know what you're doing!"

 

"How'd you know?"

 

"One of the grandmas came by and told me you were struggling, dummy!!" I took him by the shirt, and dragged him to a standing position. "Hurry up and let's go back there. I'll show you before the food gets overcooked."

 

Xiumin stood up, beaming, and followed after me back to the commons.

 

Xiumin and I had only each other. We had different fathers who had both abandoned us, but the same mother, who had just recently passed away from sickness. Xiumin was half-Korean, but was brought to China and received a Chinese name. I love my brother so much, and would do anything to protect him. Even though I was the younger one, I felt I had the responsibility to protect Xiumin (probably because I was a lot taller and had solid martial arts skills).

 

— Together, we were Taozi & Baozi.

 

When I finished teaching Xiumin, I got up and remembered the food. "Come back soon, because dinner is almost ready!!" I called out to him before I turned back around down the path. There was steam flowing out of the pot when I got back; I checked the rice, and all the water was evaporated and absorbed. Rice, done. The other pot was finished boiling. Soup, done.

 

Xiumin came in about ten minutes after I finished setting the food on the table. "Wow, looks good!" He lied, sitting down.

 

— It wasn't good.

 

The soup was just hot water and vegetables. It wasn't filling and it was the same meal we've had for years. We have no food.

 

When I sat down, Xiumin already brought up something to talk about. "Tao, did you hear about the rebels? I heard they're planning to kill the king!"

 

I really could not care less. The people were just being irrational. King or no king, we still had to get up every morning and work our butts off for money.

 

"King Junmian must be so scared for his life right now. Maybe you should become one of his bodyguards!!"

 

"Hey, crazy, do you want me to get killed?" I exclaimed. "And I would have to be away from you to protect the king."

 

I’m not going to lie, I have thought about becoming a bodyguard for the king before. But the cons always outweighed the pros. Staying with my brother and taking care of him sounds a lot better than being away from him _and_ always having to be prepared to take an arrow for his Highness.

 

"I guess, no. But on my way to the commons before, I saw a group of people huddled together and I overheard them plotting the king's death. It's a shame that his own people are planning to kill him, when he's so benevolent towards them. I guess it's what he gets for being incompetent..."

 

— I didn't agree.

 

— It wasn’t right.

 

"No, people are being stupid. If they don't like how Junmian is running the kingdom, they should just overthrow him from his position, not take away his life."

 

“You can say all you want, but it’s probably not going to change anything. We are on the verge of war between ourselves,” Xiumin said, as he got up and carried his plate away.

 

It got me angry, as I thought about how whatever peasants say, no matter how important, it always gets ignored. We were treated like the scum of the earth because no money means no power. We mean nothing and we can say nothing.

 

The rest of the lower class think the same way. It is why they are finally rebelling. They have had enough, and they are now willing to fight — it’s just that I feel fighting isn’t the right way to go about it. Killing the king and attacking the nobility is not going to be effective.

 

— I can see it.

 

— It will not end well.

  
  


It was a hot day, so hot… but I had no time to pass out while carrying the bags of rice to our house from the fields. Xiumin was lagging far behind me, still left behind at the fields filtering the rice from the water with a tarp. We’ll probably have to bring that rice back in a few more days. Aow, the rice bag is getting heavy… as healthy and fit as I was from all the wushu training I do, this was my 15th pair of two 50 pound rice bags, I’m surprised my wushu stick still hasn’t broken from all the strain on each end… I started walking with my back hunched over and my head hung down…

 

 _Bump!_ The stick started tipping my whole body backwards, and the rice, along with my back, fell back onto the ground. No!!! Not the rice!!! I scramble to my knees and saw if a lot fell out of the bag… Thank goodness, oh gosh, if a lot fell out I would wushu this peasant’s slippers off his feet and make sure he has no hands to stretch his noodles… "Ay, you should be —"

 

... Wait, is that gold on his footwear?  

 

Except this guy wasn't a commoner. I stood up and saw a man dressed in formal attire fit for a scholar, headwear and all, dusting himself off from the dirt that got on his clothes when he probably fell to the ground, too. The first thing that caught my eye was the gold dragon symbol on his headwear and robe, which must’ve been his family’s emblem. I snapped back to the reality of the situation, remembering what I had just done. "Oh, sorry! Are you okay?"

 

The guy turned his attention away from his clothes and looked at me at me for a brief two seconds. “Watch where you are going.”

 

_What? WAIT, WHAT DID HE JUST SAY? HEY, MAN, I’M PROBABLY MORE OF THE VICTIM HERE THAN YOU._

 

“Hey!! Hold on, I was just carrying my rice!! If you come by and see someone having a load on his back, you could’ve said, ‘Oh, hey, this guy is carrying 100 pounds of what-I-eat-everyday-with-my-meals on his back! I should be the nice, polite person I am and step aside for him!’”  

 

For a second, I thought he was going to call his servants on me or something to come and beat me up with their sticks or fans or whatever they belittle commoners with. But his straight face started distorting and the next thing I know, he’s hunched over, hugging his stomach and laughing.

 

— What is happening?

 

— Shouldn’t he be angry?

 

“Why are you laughing?” And rather unattractively, too. His gums started showing and… was that snorting? So much for scholarly…

 

It took a few moments for the noble to gain back his composure, but when he did he almost couldn’t look straight at me. “Sorry, a commoner fighting back against me. It’s the first time it’s happened. It’s too funny.”

 

“You mean everyone else just takes your shit?”

 

How was that funny? This guy has a weird sense of humor. But he just nodded.

 

“You’re not even that intimidating…” I muttered under my breath.

 

“Well, it’s not their place to fight back. No money, no power.”

 

His statement shocked me. It made me feel repulsive and angry and embarrassed all at the same time. No power, he says? “Are you kidding me? You shouldn’t be talking. We are the ones harvesting your dinner every day. Don’t talk about power when I could get the rest of the population to starve people like you,” I snarled at him.

 

He chuckled.

 

I was about ready to just slip the rice bags off my wushu stick and whip him up good, when he said, “You could do that, but authorities would come and slice your and your villager friends' heads off. Oh yeah, while I was having this lovely chat with you, I forgot I was running away from my lackey.” He turned to start running away, but then decided to turn back around to face me again. “And stop eyeing your stick like that, I can tell you want to beat me up with it. Anyway, have fun with harvesting my dinner.” And he went running off.

 

I sighed as I picked up the stick and propped it on my back again. Scholars are supposed to be well-mannered, graceful, gentle, and mature. They were supposed to be the top percentile out of the whole population — they were supposed to be _role models_ ; how was that guy a scholar? I should've dropped the rice bags on his foot while I had a chance.

 

After a few more houses down the trail, a young man, whose head reached my eyes, rushed up to me. He was wearing better clothes than I was wearing, but much poorer than what the scholar was wearing; this must be the rude guy’s lackey. In a hurried and desperate tone, he asked me, “Have you seen Master Yifan, young scholar of the Wu family?” I smirked and pointed in the direction the rude intellectual went, sending the young man scurrying off to find the man he probably should not have lost sight of.

 

Wu Yifan, huh? Scholar of the Wu family? On normal days, I would have shrugged off the question, continuing on down the path with my rice. He should not have bumped into me and talked to me that way; he’ll get what he deserves. Haha, he couldn’t have gone far off, right?


	2. 火热 [Yifan]

I felt a little sad that I would probably never see that peasant again. It was a little fun talking to someone like him; it felt liberating. I didn’t have to sound as taut or intelligent as I had to when talking with other high social standing nobles. I would never see that peasant again, and that made me feel a little down.

 

— Hold on a minute.

 

I am Wu Yifan. I can do whatever I want. I’ll go see him again, sometime soon.

 

I skipped down the hilly path without the much-needed composure and almost felt free. I really felt like doing something stupid, something that would have gotten me into so much trouble, and I would have actually gone and done it if not for my lackey who came running after me screaming incoherent threats along with my name. “Wu Yifan, you!! Wait until your father hears about this!!” Luhan shouted. “Always making me run around, I’m tired!!” Wow, that peasant must have pointed out which direction I’ve gone, huh.

 

“It’s okay, he says I should get out more anyway,” I shouted over my shoulder. I had been stuck in my room for months, studying for the civil service exam. Now that I have taken the test, and should I say probably passed it with flying colors, I could fool around more until I am assigned a government position. “Good thing you found me though, I was about to do something ridiculous.”

 

When Luhan had finally caught up with me, he was panting, clinging onto my shoulder. “Next time you want to go to the marketplace, ask Zhongdae, please,” he whimpered, as I belted out a chuckle.

 

‘But you’re older than me so I tend to listen to you more and you are taller than him. He would never be able to find me if he loses me. The marketplace is always too crowded,” I said, lightheartedly. I looked at him over my shoulder to see that he was still panting. “You must be tired, so let’s go back home, then.”

 

Luhan cried internally and retorted, “You’re the one who made me tired! It’s too hot to do all this running around.” We started walking back and Luhan nagged and complained the whole way.

 

When we finally reached my siheyuan home, it was a little cooler and the sun started going down, causing an orange and pink empyrean luminescence. Wow, it’s getting dark so soon... I wonder if the defiant dark-eyed peasant from my free-spree is done with all his fieldwork… Or does he work even past the time the sun sets?

 

Soon after I went into my room and changed out of my outside clothes, Zhongdae called from outside the room, “Master Yifan, time to eat! Dinner is ready!”

 

I walked out of my room and was escorted by Zhongdae to the dining room. He was my second favorite lackey, after Luhan, because he always plays pranks on my other servants and maids. It keeps me entertained and happy that he’s not really uncomfortable with me. However…

 

_“By the way, your parents are here to visit. They are waiting at the table.”_

 

… he likes to tell me things at the very last minute.

 

Of course they're here, Zhongdae wouldn't call me "Master" any other time.

 

I pushed aside the Shoji screen to the dining room as my parents look up at me from the table. “Father, Mother.” I greeted as I bowed, before I sat down.

 

“Hello, Yifan,” My father greeted.” I heard you took the test yesterday. You’ve done well, I trust?”

 

"I've studied long and hard for that test; I will not bring you dishonor," I respectfully said. That was formal talk for, 'Of course I passed. That test was too easy!'

 

“Of course, he’s our son, he wouldn’t disappoint us,” my mother piped up, as I took a seat across from both of them. Too proud of a mother, that statement would have changed if Luhan didn’t find me as soon as he did today.

 

After a few moments of silence and eating, Father looked at me and ask, “Yifan, have you heard of the rebels planning to overthrow King Junmian?”

 

“Yes, father.”

 

“Who knows who else they may want to kill, whether it be the nobles or even the people amongst themselves. I want you to be careful when you go outside of this house. Always bring Luhan or Zhongdae with you. Is that understandable?”

 

“Yes, father. I will abide by your orders.” My father nodded with a heart-warm smile, before returning to his food.

 

His food.

 

He was eating his food with rice.

 

Defiant rice-peasant.

 

Was he one of the rebels? Is that why he was talking back at me? Are the rebels really thinking of destroying the noble class?

  
  


“Why, why, WHY did you wake me up so early to go down to the village, when we just went two days ago?!” Luhan whined, trailing behind me. The sun has not risen yet, so it was still a little dark, but I was wide awake partially due to his loud protests. The other servants, who were already up, bowed their heads down as we made our way passed them and out the entrance of my house.

 

“The sun will be up when we get to the village and I don’t want to be out when it’s hot like the afternoon two days before.” I told him. Now that Luhan saw my reasoning, it shut him up and he stopped complaining. My hands were folded behind my back, looking virtuous and civil, as I planned to behave more today than previously.

 

“Fine, I’ll forgive you for waking me up early, as long as we leave the village early enough to avoid the heat. Or else I will complain more again later.” I rolled my eyes and continued walking. The walk of about 20 minutes consisted of me strolling by, high and upright, and Luhan sauntering behind me, looking like a loyal dog following its master. When we got to the market, light had dawned upon the already-bustling food stalls and trade posts. I ignored Luhan’s groans and ‘Not again, we were really just here two days ago’ and ‘What else do you want from here, are you sure you didn’t want to go somewhere else’, and kept walking.

 

Luhan grabbed my shoulder to stop my walking, so I turned and faced him. “No, seriously, what do you want? I know the marketplace better than you. With your sense of direction, we are really going to end up here until nightfall again. I will just show you and we can go back home quickly!” Luhan said happily, while clasping his hands together.

 

“We are just passing by here.” I turned around on my heels and started walking again.

 

“... Oh.”  

 

10 minutes later and the exit of the other side of the market, Luhan spoke up AGAIN (for the what, the 16th time today? I thought he was tired). “Wasn’t this the path I had to follow you out of the marketplace?”

 

I nodded, when I saw the defiant dark-eyed rice-peasant again, carrying baskets far off in the distance. He was also carrying that stick in his other hand. A grandma was happening to cross by us when I gently took a hold of her arm and asked in the most polite way possible, “Excuse me, Elder, do you see that man over there, carrying a bunch of baskets and holding a stick?” She squinted, blocking her eyes from the sun, before turning back to me and nodding. “May I know his name?”

 

“Zitao? Ah, he’s our towns unofficial wushu representative!” She started chuckling, as if it was an inside joke.

 

— Ah, so that is why he’s always carrying that stick.

 

— Was he really thinking of beating me up with it before?

 

I bowed and thanked the grandma, and she was on her way again. Luhan looked at me with incredulousness and suspicion mixed together.

 

“That’s it. THAT’S _IT_? YOU DRAGGED ME OUT OF BED TO ASK WHAT THAT PEASANT’S NAME IS? WHO IS HE, WHO IS HE?! LET ME SEE HIM — OH, he’s the one that pointed you out to me before!”

 

I knew it! He did tell Luhan where I went!

 

"It is, right?” I asked with a coy smile.

 

“Wait, was I supposed to tell you that? Why are you smiling like that? Yifan, you better not do anything to him,” Luhan warned. When I kept walking towards the peasant, who was walking away with his back turned to me, Luhan jumped in front of me, with his arms spread out wide, stopping me in my tracks. “Wu Yifan, what are you planning to do?!”

 

“Calm down, I’m just gonna have a little chat with him,” I said, pushing his arm down to his side, walking past him. So I followed the unofficial wushu representative (yeah, right!), while not-so-ninja-material here stayed close behind me.

 

Hidden in the tall grass, I was crouching just a little (okay, maybe a lot, enough to look really stupid, but at least Luhan was doing it with me), when suddenly a voice behind the both us made my spine rise on edge, almost making me jump out of my own skin. “What are you two doing? Are you following my brother?” And _AS SOON AS THE BOY SAID THAT_ , Zitao turned around and called, “Xiumin?”

 

“Di, there are weird people stalking you!” Xiumin said, in a supposedly innocent (but how was this innocent when it seemed like the intent of an evil 5 year-old girl trying to get her older brother in trouble?) tone, while pointing straight down at us. Luhan and I were frantically trying to shush him, hissing and waving our hands like madmen, but it was too late. Zitao had already come over to see who we were.

 

Recognition spread across his face when he first saw Luhan, but it's an entirely different story describing his expression when he saw _me_. Fury and rage struck into his eyes and he looked keen and fierce as he dropped the basket he was holding with his one hand and assumed a fighting position with his wushu stick. I thought he was going to smash it down on my head and I tried to duck for my life. I yelped and closed my eyes, trying to cover my head.

 

"What do you want?" Tao demanded, a few seconds after I realized there was no throbbing pain hitting my head. I opened my eyes and saw the stick all up in my face.

 

Heh.

 

"You know, just curious 'bout some stuff," I said, smiling sheepishly while slowly pushing the stick away with one finger. My voice was a pitch higher than usual. Luhan smacked his head with his hand. He stood and pulled me up along with him, brushing the grass and dirt off of my clothes. “Uh, let’s go somewhere else other than here,” I suggested lightly, hoping he would accept the offer.

 

“But I have to work,” Zitao said coldly, and Xiumin nodded slightly beside him.

 

He's going to leave... Uh... I have to think of something quick... “I see you told my lackey here where I was headed the other day,” I said, before Zitao could lose interest and turn around. He smirked, but I wouldn’t let him get the satisfaction. “I didn’t get into any trouble, and it’s all thanks to you. If my lackey had not found me as early as he had, he would have discovered me flashing the general, while eating his afternoon soup.” Wait, did I really just say that?

 

Luhan’s mouth went slack and Xiumin and Zitao’s eyes had widened at the absurdity of the statement. “What the fuck, Yifan?! Was that really what you were planning when you said “something ridiculous”?! Good God, damn right good thing I found you!! General Zhang probably would have sentenced you to 40 floggings!!!!” Luhan shouted, smacking me upside the head. Zitao still stood frozen, probably wondering how much of a nutcase I am, and Minseok shook his head at the whole ordeal.

 

"Yeahhhh, but you found me in time and it's all due to this young gentleman here!" I said, gesturing towards Zitao, who scoffed. He and his brother were starting to turn around. "Wait!" They kept on walking and I ended up whacking my forehead for not being able to think of anything else.

 

"We're busy, don't bother us anymore!!" I heard Zitao shout when he was a good distance away.

 

Luhan gave a me a really dirty look. "I'm not even going to tell your father about your afternoon plans with General Zhang, because he would have a heart attack."

 

I laughed. "That's good. But can we come back here tomorrow?"


	3. 不同 [Zitao]

****He kept coming and coming. What exactly did this stupid scholar want? Shouldn't he be sitting in his room studying or something, just how much freedom did he have? Who does he think he is, that he can just come anytime he wants when I'm working to feed my brother and me? He should be in school or something, I'm probably older than him, busting my butt off every day for food instead of studying. He’s becoming like one of the little kids that come run around the fields, except he is never carrying bushels or baskets of food.

 

This was the fifth time he came, not including the time my brother called him a stalker (I could tell he is still a little offended by that, so I call him by that sometimes, but it's okay since he keeps addressing me as "peasant"). Baozi and I were out in the fields again, and I just finished yelling at him for uprooting the turnips too early. Already, from a distance, I saw the scholar walking towards us. This time he came with a cat-mouthed little guy; he was even shorter than his other lackey, who must've been tired coming out during the summer day all the time.

 

As they approached us, the little guy smiled so widely when he saw me, then looked at Yifan. "Ohohoho, so this is the guy that Luhan keeps talking about? This is the guy you keep going out during the day for?" he asked, pointing at me. He seemed a little too excited and his tone was very mischievous and bright. He was probably not safe to stay around. I backed away a little and pretended to continue working. Yifan smacked the guy upside the head and he let out a loud, high-pitched "OW!!" For a little guy, he was pretty loud.

 

Xiumin walked over to where we all were, put a hand over my ear, and uttered out to me, "Di, tell these people to go away. The tall one is getting annoying." I laughed. It was annoying, but it was also a little amusing to see how much of an idiot the scholar really was.

 

The last time he came, he somehow spilled out that Luhan was in love with the town magistrate and Luhan ended up screaming like a girl and hitting him in the face with a basket. Yifan had the funniest face ever after receiving the hit, the expression of shock and pointed at his lips then said, "My lip is bleeding..." with his voice cracking.

 

What did he have in store today?

 

Xiumin went back to the lettuce he was harvesting and the lackey followed him, apparently interested in gardening the vegetables. I continued raking the dirt.

 

“Do you ever stop working?”

 

“Yeah,” I told him, without halting my work.

 

“Well, when?”

 

“After the sun goes down,” I deadpanned. He smacked himself in the face.

 

“I mean during a normal workday, do you ever take a break?”

 

I stopped and stood upright, leaning my arms on the rake. After giving some thought I answered, “No.”

 

"Where would you like to go if you could take a break?" Yifan asked. What an odd question... Did I have to answer?

 

I couldn't really think of any place since I've been stuck here since the beginning of my life. All I've ever known was the hut, the fields, and work. "I don't know. I wouldn't know any place to go."

 

“Ah, boring!! Keep thinking!!"

 

"Why? Where would you like to go then?"

 

I really expected an intelligent answer to come out of his mouth. I really did. Something like the king's palace or the river to think or something, not what he said.

 

"The galaxy," he said, doing this wavy arm gesture that ended up pointing to the sky.

 

I burst out laughing, laughing harder than I ever had in a long time. I didn't care if it was high-pitched and made me sound like a goon, that was the funniest shit I've heard in a long time. "THIS STALKER WANTS TO GO TO THE GALAXY!!! HAHAHAHA!!"

 

Yifan just stood there, looking at my continuous laughing in disbelief. "Why, what is so funny about wanting to go there?”

 

“Stupid scholar!! It’s impossible!! How can you go past the sky when we can barely go to southern Korea? If we were able to go through the air or something, over all the water and land, then I would have dropped Xiumin off in Korea to have a better life and get away from all of this oncoming revolution shit!” This is the stupidest scholar I’ve ever known in my life.

 

“Fine, fine. It seems like you don’t want to stop working… I’ll just work with you,” Yifan said grabbing the rake from my hands. "We'll go somewhere together after your work is done and I'll take you home before dark."

 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you…” I warned him.

 

This guy was prone to injuries. It was the only thing that stopped him from staying near me for more than an hour. The last time, it was getting hit in the face with Luhan’s basket and the time before that, he rolled and slipped on Xiumin’s corn… okay, maybe that wasn’t his fault because Xiumin purposely threw one in Yifan’s way when he wasn’t looking…

 

One of the little kids, who usually played in the fields and was holding a basket of apples, walked up to Yifan, who was raking away the soil for nutrients and minerals and all that stuff. Or maybe he didn’t know what he was doing and was just raking for the sake of looking like he was working. Yifan stopped when he noticed the kid was staring at him. “Mister, I see you here all the time, but why are you taking away the rake from Tao-ge?”

 

"Go away, little kid. I'm trying to finish Tao-ge's work before sun set." I stood over the little boy, crossing my arms across my chest and judging Yifan and his stupidity so hard. The little boy looked behind him and up at me, and I gave him a shrug and a little permissive nod. Honestly, I don't know what I just agreed to but I found out in a few seconds.

 

The little boy took an apple from his basket and chucked it at Yifan's crotch area. My eyes widened until I saw Yifan had deflected it with the rake.

 

"HAHAHAHA, STUPID KID, YOU MISSED!!" Yifan jeered, shouting and raising the rake to point at the kid.

 

The kid quickly took another apple while the rake was no longer in the way and threw it at the same spot with Almighty force.

 

Lights out.

  
  


So much for finishing my work before sunset. But I found out the other lackey’s name was Zhongdae, and the poor little guy had to half-drag half-carry the scholar who was probably twice his size. It was kind of funny too, because he was also trying to slap Yifan awake and yell into his ear with his high pitched voice. He ended up cursing the unconscious scholar and carrying him on his back.

 

When it got dark, my back was already hurting from bending over all day, and Xiumin and I headed back towards our hut. Xiumin went straight to the fur carpet on the floor of the main room like he always does, and I heard him grunt, probably from landing face first into it or something. I began to think something was off when it sounded like he kicked a lantern off of one of the tables.

 

“Ge, what are you doing?” I asked, as I searched around for a fire inch stick to light a lantern up. All of a sudden, I received a hard blow to my back and I was sent stumbling in the dark.

 

"What the — Xiumin-ge?" No response. "XIUMIN?"

 

What's happening? Why isn't he responding? I heard footsteps scuttering from across the room. "Who's there?"

 

I tried to kick around in the dark, to try to get anyone near me. There was no light and I couldn't go back to the table where the lantern was, or I'd probably get attacked again.

 

"XIUMIN!!" I called out desperately again. How could I find him when he's not responding and I can't even see where I'm going? _Please say something, I need to know you're okay._

 

The last thing I remembered was hearing quick footsteps and something hard hitting my head.

  
  


It was still dark, but the men woke me up and kicked me around to get up. The first thing I saw was that there were about six other men, besides Xiumin. The men who probably abducted us were also kicking them around. They prodded us out the door of the cellar and barked at us to follow one of the men, without telling us where we were going. What were they doing with us? Are we lining up for execution? What have we done wrong?

 

Just as dawn broke, we were still walking in a line, one behind the other, our hands bound tightly by a single long rope. Xiumin was walking right behind me, his shoulders slumped over in defeat and exhaustion from the recent turn of events. Our mouths were gagged and I kept checking behind me to see if my brother was alright. When we entered the town market, it hit me. We weren't going to be killed; we were going to be sold as slaves.

 

When we finally reached the stall where we were going to be sold, we were told to stand on a wooden platform where all sorts of rich people would look at us either with disgust, mockery, or enthusiasm.

 

As the market started to open, many people started walking in. As they passed by the stall and gave all of us some looks of pity and others of ridicule, I've never felt so humiliated in my life. Those looks were probably mostly for me because I am well known as a past well-trained Wushu student of Master Can and now they find me with my brother being sold at a slave stall.

 

Already, one guy was sold to a skrimpy looking old rich man, and he was separated from us when he was removed from the rope. I began to feel fear when I saw he was being sold to a mean-looking man, who will probably demand a lot from him and abuse him...

 

Hours and hours passed, and I was beginning to feel light-headed and tired from standing so long and not eating for the past 24 hours. I was literally going to black out until I saw a familiar golden dragon symbol on a thick headband.

 

Yifan had the look of shock (and was that worry I saw, or was it just me hallucinating from lack of food?), which quickly changed to faux amusement. Or maybe it was actually pure amusement, and I'm just making him seem like a better person that he really is.

 

Zhongdae followed in close pursuit, a look of horror on his face when he recognized my brother and me being sold on the market. Zhongdae looked like he was going to whisper something into Yifan's ear, but the scholar shook him off and proceeded to talk to the merchant who was selling us off.

 

He looked me in the eye first, and I tried to direct him into buying Xiumin. I looked back and forth between the two, leaning towards my brother to drill the idea into the scholar’s head that I want my brother to be free first. It didn’t matter if Yifan didn’t have enough money to buy the both of us; My brother should always come before me.

 

"What?" Yifan asked me out loud. The marketer looked at us weirdly but let it go, since saying something might cost him his business.

 

I really made all the signals I can do, being limited with my hands tied up and my mouth sealed. "You want me to buy Xiumin as my servant?" Yifan asked.

 

I looked at him with pleading eyes. Freedom, I'd never let my brother become a servant, buy him his freedom. Please get the message, please, I can’t talk right now. "Ah, wait but you wouldn't want him to be a servant... You want me to buy his freedom?" I nodded profusely, eternally grateful he got the message clearly. Maybe he's not so stupid after all.

 

"In exchange for what?" I fucking knew it, of course there would be conditions. “Your servitude to me?” My eyes widened — so he did have enough money to buy the both of us. Really, just how rich was he to be running around without a leash like this?

 

He turned to the merchant slave dealer and said authoritatively, “I would like to buy these two,” while pointing at Xiumin and me, “The shorter one, I am buying his freedom, so you cannot enslave him again. The other will become my personal servant.”

 

“Hmm… good choice, I guess,” the merchant clucked. “A couple of young good-looking lads for a young handsome scholar like you. You are quite lucky they weren’t chosen earlier. Go ahead and examine them if you want, to see if they really truly fit to your liking.”

 

Yifan walked up to Xiumin and released his hands and took the gag off from his mouth. “Thank you,” my brother said gratefully, bowing a full 90 degrees to the scholar, who just nodded back.

 

Then Yifan looked at me, pretending as if he didn’t know me. This really wasn’t funny, this is not a game! He looked me up and down as if he was truly examining me; stupid scholar, I’m only going to be your servant, not your concubine, so you better get your eyes off me and stop checking me out!!

 

He finally lifted off the gag from my mouth; it was the chance I could talk. "STUPID SCHOLAR!! I'VE MET SOME PRICKS IN MY LIFETIME, BUT YOU, YOU ARE A FUCKING CACTUS!!" I spat out at him.

 

The merchant’s eyes widened in shock. "You sure, you want him?

 

"He's perfect."

  
  


“Xiumin-ge please, please stay! I don’t want you going back there alone!!” I begged as we were all walking out of the marketplace. It had been established that I would be a live in servant for “Master” Yifan and Xiumin was free to go back to our home. He’s a little dense to think I would let him go back after this ordeal, plus the fact that he doesn’t know how to farm without me.

 

What will he eat? Will he be able to earn money? What if he starves? What if he feels alone? What if one of the goats die? What if they come back for him to sell him again? I’m not going to be there to help or save him!

 

He still had not responded to my pleading.

 

And so, I tried again.

 

"Ge, listen to me!! Just stay with —"

 

"Zitao," Xiumin cut me off short. I could hear in his tone that I would not like what he was about to tell me; I dreaded what he would say next. “I’m the older brother here, I can handle being without you. I need you to be responsible and let me go.” My heart sank a little. “I hate that I’m being separated from you too, but I need to take care of our crops and the hut… We can’t hide under Scholar Wu’s care forever; he has parents to explain to and a reputation to keep up. We need to repay him for what he has done for us; we are forever indebted to him.”

 

I was speechless. This is the older brother I have; this is not the brother who ran away from me for planting the wrong number of seeds or the brother who made snide remarks at people we could both laugh at. This is my gege, the older brother who is mature and willing to take responsibilities — for him, I will listen to whatever choice he makes, because no matter what, he always comes first.

 

"Xiumin..."

 

"I'm gonna miss you, Taozi. I’ll try to stop by every week, if Scholar Wu allows it.”

 

Yifan popped up from behind Xiumin exclaiming, “Of course I’ll let you stop by!! And you don’t owe me anything — just Zitao’s servitude.” That last bit was too unnecessary; I shot him a “you’re-making-everything-worse” “you’re-not-helping” glare which sent him scampering back to Zhongdae’s side.

 

The rest of the walk back to our hut was quiet, but it was not an awkward or uncomfortable silence; I tried to relish my last moments of being a free person with my brother by my side. When we reached the front, I could feel my eyes burning and I tried to blink back the hot tears that were welling up and blurring my vision.

 

Xiumin turned to look at me and softly said, “Taozi, don’t cry, we’ll still see each other, I promise. I’ll visit as much as I can. And I’ll take care of myself; I’ll farm, I’ll clean the house everyday, I’ll eat well — I won’t skip meals, and I’ll explain everything to our neighbors. I’ll be fine here. And you will be fine, too.”

 

Xiumin smiled up at me for a second, and then said, “Wait here.” He turned to go inside the house. A few minutes later, he came out, holding my wushu staff.

 

I choked back a sob before grabbing my brother and enveloping him in a tight hug, one that I thought should last forever. He hugged me back, and I remembered everything we did as kids, everything we did growing up, everything we said to comfort each other, being by each other’s side when we had no one else. My whole life revolved around my big brother; what would I do without him? I never thought I would lose him like this.

 

Xiumin slowly pulled my arms off from around him, and made me face him. He took a good long look at me before putting his hand on my shoulder and giving me a reassuring smile. He put the stick in my hand, and I held on to it tightly. I was smiling through my tears; it was a smile of pain, of sorrow, but also of pride.

 

And just like that, Xiumin walked into the hut without looking back.


	4. 指令 [Zitao]

"Zitao, retrieve my brush from the living room."

  
  


"Zitao!! Open my door so I can make my way to lunch."

  
  


"Zitao, broil some dumplings for me to eat."

  
  


"Zitao, blow my candle out so I can sleep."

 

"The candle is right next to your bedside, sir."

 

"Are you disobeying orders from your master? Take responsibility."

 

I heaved a long and heavy sigh before I blew out the candle. 

 

These were the orders I’ve been receiving for the past few days. Some were reasonable for a slave to carry out, but most were ridiculous demands that he could do himself. It was also essential that I stood against the wall of the dining room while he ate. Zhongdae and Luhan also stood along the walls with the other servants of the house.

 

Zhongdae and Luhan were warm and welcoming, and I was happier than anything that they did not show pity; I didn't want to feel like I was weak, or it would be humiliating and hurtful to my pride.

 

If I wasn't working, I would go in the yard and practice wushu as if I were doing it on the fields. It was a little different because there was no grass around me and no rice puddles to step in. Xiumin wasn't there to pretend he knew how to correct my form, and the village grandmas weren’t there to cheer me on. 

 

— All those little things made me homesick.

 

One day, when there were no clouds in the sky, Master Yifan overslept on his first day of work. When Zhongdae and Luhan successfully woke him up, I went and fetched his clothes from outside. After I knocked on the door and opened it, Yifan's bare back was toward me.

 

He had to turn around to get his clothes from me, but I stood there looking like an idiot. I was stunned, but I didn’t know from what.

 

"Thanks, you can leave now," Yifan said playfully. His smirk was probably plastered on his stupid face forever.

 

I rushed out of the room and closed the door behind me, face red and all. 

 

Zhongdae was there to see my misery in all it's glory. He probably saw what I saw when I went out and put two and two of why my face was red. "Awk-ward," he sing-songed in a high-pitched voice.

 

“HEY, HE STILL HAD HIS PANTS ON OKAY?” I shouted, forgetting where I was. 

 

The door opened behind me, and Zhongdae scurried away. "Change and meet me in the front of the house in five minutes," Yifan ordered and then brushed right past me. 

 

… Did he hear me say that? 

 

That. is. embarrassing. I smacked myself in the face and tried to forget what had just happened, so I could resume my chores. I rushed to my quarters and put on outside clothes, then ran outdoors to where he was waiting. Neither Zhongdae nor Luhan were in sight; they were the ones who were usually waiting with him whenever I came out and received orders of what to do around the house while they were gone. 

 

Yifan smiled at me. "Let's go."

 

"Where's Zhongdae? Or Luhan?" I went in front of him to open the gate, held it open, and closed it when he walked past. 

 

"You're the one escorting me today."

 

I blinked back in surprise. "May I ask why, sir?"

 

“Relax, I work in a small place. I’m just a beginner, so I’m not working at the palace, like my father.” 

 

My shoulders relaxed a little.

 

"And I just feel more comfortable with you bringing me there. I'm a little nervous, so Zhongdae would make fun of me and Luhan would just keep nagging."

 

I nodded, understanding the situation.

 

"Honestly, I think they're pretty glad they don't have to bring me. They're getting lazy," he chuckled.

 

I just nodded silently as we continued walking. I noticed Yifan was a talker when he was nervous. He talked about the most random things that popped into his head — anything that kept his mouth running. I didn't even have to say anything, and the fact that I wouldn't interrupt him while he talked about something like buying a dog probably comforted him. 

 

When we arrived at the government quarters, he froze at the entryway and I had to nudge him to remind him where he was. "Master Wu."

 

"Zhongdae and Luhan call me Yifan. It's weird how you're calling me Master and Sir. You can just call me Yifan, too."

 

"Alright, well, just go inside and I'll get going..." I said, starting to back away slowly.

 

"Zitao, pick me up before sunset. That's when I get out." I nodded, when he turned back to look at me. "You're free to do anything you want from now to then." 

 

I shot him a look. What was I going to do for a whole day? "That includes maybe visiting your brother? You haven't seen him for three weeks, you know."

 

My face lit up, and I bowed immediately, thanking him before running off.

 

When I reached the fields where Xiumin should be farming, I was proud to see he was hard at work.

 

"Ge, I'm glad to see you are doing fine by yourself!"

 

Xiumin looked up and turned around to see his me smiling down at him. "Taozi! What are you doing here?!"

 

"I had to escort Scholar Wu to the first day of his job and he was nervous. He said I could do anything before the time I pick him up."

 

"Did you see him off until he was inside the building?"

 

I laughed a little. "No, why?"

 

"Zitao!!! Why are you laughing? He was nervous!! You didn't take his feelings into account and just left him?!"

 

"Ge, calm down! It doesn't make a difference!"

 

"Of course it makes a difference!! It makes all the difference!!" He grabbed a rake that was lying beside him and got up. 

 

"What are you doing with that rake!!" I yelled, starting to back away.

 

My brother seemed like he worshipped Yifan as he started yelling at me and chasing me around with the rake. If he caught me, he probably would have beaten me with it. 

 

I said sorry too many times before Xiumin finally calmed down, and he suggested we sit down at home and catch up. I asked him if he was eating well and if anyone was giving him trouble. He told me he was upset that he couldn’t slack off anymore, since I wasn’t around.

 

“Wow, is that all I’m good for?” I asked, and he laughed.

 

Before long, the sun was starting to set in the sky and it was time for me to leave, so I told Xiumin I will come and visit him again. 

 

"How was your first day?" I asked Yifan when he met me in the front of the building.

 

He looked at me and gave me a half-horrified, half-disgusted look while vigorously shaking his head. "太麻烦!!"

 

I couldn't stop laughing at his face for half the walk back to his home.


	5. 忧虑 [Zitao]

"King Junmian is dead," I heard Yifan’s father say, one night over dinner; it’s been over a month since Yifan began working, and his father decided he wanted to speak with Yifan over dinner at his house. “He was beheaded.” Hearing the news, I watched Yifan for his reaction, but he said nothing and kept eating. It was as if he just heard some news about his fellow worker getting a new horse.

 

No, this was a much bigger deal. I, myself, am shocked that everything was so sudden. Our king is dead; the king that fed our people and lowered our taxes. Our king is dead and we will have a new ruler. A ruler that will take advantage of the people's strong momentary emotions and overuse his power. 

 

"I want you to be careful. The revolutionaries are targeting people who are not taking part on their side, even if they are not taking part in the revolution at all. They are executing their own people — commoners. Do not go out late at night. In fact, do not go out at all. Quit your job until the revolution is over."

 

"Yes, father."

 

I felt bad for Yifan, because he was just beginning to tell me how he was adjusting to the work and making new friends among his colleagues. 

 

"If you do want to go out, send your servants instead."

 

Luhan, Zhongdae, and me. We were nothing but cockroaches to the nobles. I saw in the corner of my eye Yifan pressing his lips together in a tight and taut line, and I can see he was a little conflicted about that. He may not be worried about me, but Luhan and Zhongdae have been with him for years; they are basically family to each other. Nonetheless, he replied, “Yes, father.”

 

Soon, dinner was finished, and the servants had to clean up as Yifan’s father took his leave.

 

After escorting his father out the door, he came back to the kitchen where only I was finishing up the cleaning.

 

He placed his hand on my shoulder and leaned in while I was busy wiping down a pot with a rag. “Don’t worry. Nothing will happen to you without me there. I will not listen to my father and I will always go with you.”

  
  
  


“Lu-ge, I’m done for the day,” I told him while patting him on the back. “I’m going to be practicing wushu outside in the yard.” 

 

“Okay, be careful. It’s going to get dark soon.”

 

I nodded and then grabbed my wushu stick. 

 

I spun the wushu stick around as warmup and then worked right into my routine. After a while, I was sweating and panting. After spinning around and punching and kicking the air, I began to notice someone was watching me.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

He walked towards me and into the light that shone from the house. I hadn’t even noticed it turned dark already.

 

“It’s late and dark outside, so I was a little worried; and I wanted to see how you’re doing. You seem really good at fighting,” Yifan remarked.

 

I thanked him, but it seemed a little awkward to continue. 

 

“Why’d you stop? Keep going,” Yifan urged me, while gesturing me to continue.

 

“Ah, I’ll take a break. I’ve been practicing non-stop.” 

 

“Alright,” Yifan sat down on the ground and patted the spot next to him. “Let’s sit.” 

 

My face showed I was a little shocked that he would sit on the ground and dirty his clothes, but my legs were giving out. I walked over to where he was and sank to the ground. Looking over at him, I noticed he was looking up at the sky.

 

“The night is very beautiful.” 

 

I looked up at the sky and saw the night sky. It was full of stars dotting the sky, something I haven’t noticed since I was always inside my home taking care of Xiumin. I’ve always stopped work and gone home before the dark. 

 

I remember him telling me he wanted to go to the galaxy.

 

“Is this why?” 

 

He immediately understood what I was talking about. “Mhm, I would like to see what it’s like up there. It is not a joke.” 

 

Whoops. I think he remembers me making fun of him and laughing at the idea. 

 

“Are you scared?” 

 

“Of going to the galaxy? How could I possibly be scared of ‘something that can’t happen’?”

 

I shot Yifan a look. “I meant of the revolution that is taking place now.”

 

“Oh.” Yifan thought about it for a second, while looking up at the sky again. “No.”

 

_ Why? _

 

As if he heard my unsaid question, he replied, “Because I have you here with me. Just like that first day you walked with me to my job. Even though you treat me with contempt, you are oddly comforting. My heart is at rest whenever you are nearby, but at the same time it is not.” 

 

“Yifan?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“That made no sense at all.”

 

The scholar chuckled. “It makes perfect sense. At least to me. It’s because I am the one experiencing it, and it is hard to put into words.” 

 

I looked at Yifan weirdly, and the stupid scholar only laughed. What I heard next was pretty surprising because he would usually say, 'Take responsibility (for not understanding).'

 

“It’s okay, forget it.” 

  
  
  


“Luhan, where are you going?” I asked, practicing wushu outside of the house. After turning while spinning my stick above my head, I saw Luhan about ready to leave Yifan’s grounds. 

 

“I have to go to the market. We’re running low on food supply. I’m probably just going to buy for tonight’s dinner,” Luhan replied. 

 

He was about to take another step towards the exit when I shouted out, “Wait!! You’re going out alone?” 

 

Luhan looked a bit hesitant when he answered, “Yes…” 

 

“It’s dangerous… I’ll go with you.” I set my wushu stick against the wall and hurried by Luhan’s side, walking out together. 

 

“Are you sure it’s fine with you to just walk out with me?” Luhan asked cautiously.

 

“Of course, I guess. I’m done with my day’s duties anyway. And I don’t think Yifan would care whether or not I’m standing around his dinner table.”

 

“I guess…” 

 

When we entered the marketplace, a flurry of voices were bustling around in the air, but it was more hushed and bleaker than usual. People walking up and down the place signified that the market was busy as usual, but there was something different.

 

I strained my ears to hear what the gossipping grandmas were saying as Luhan and I passed by.

 

“Have you heard?”

 

“Yes, what a pity!!” 

 

“Tragedy, really!!” 

 

“Du Qingzhu is turning out to be a harsher ruler than I thought. I can’t believe he executed Bian Baixian immediately. Without reason and without trial!!” 

 

“The Bian family is now living in sadness and fear. Their money is useless since they can’t buy their son’s life back.” 

 

“The rest are only going to die,” one of them said, solemnly.

 

I casted an uneasy look at Luhan, who only continued to look straightforward. Luhan was smart; he knew he should ignore the situation at hand and pretend he didn’t hear the grandmas’ gossipping. 

 

“I heard the Piao family might be next. As children, Piao Canlie often upset Du Qingzhu… Aow, what a harsh and irrational ruler… Who will be next…”

 

“Lu—”

 

“Let’s just get the chicken and vegetables and get out of here,” Luhan said promptly. I nodded and our walking pace got a little faster. We had to pass the Magistrate’s office to get to the market. 

 

“Luhan!!” Magistrate Shixun called out, as he saw us pass by. He waved at us while standing outside his office; despite his huge crush on the magistrate, Luhan merely waved back and walked by quickly, puzzling Shixun. Usually, he would stop immediately and, with a bright smile on his face, walk up to the magistrate and talk about nothing and everything.

 

No matter what he was doing, what he had to do, and what time of the day.

 

But today, Luhan was focused on not getting called out and killed by anyone. There was not a single look of remorse or regret on Luhan’s face about the fact that he just ignored the magistrate. Luhan was smarter and much more serious than I thought. He often made me forget that he was even older than Yifan and Zhongdae. 

 

Buying the food ingredients was a blur; we were in the market one second, and then we were out right away. Even though my legs were longer than Luhan’s, it was hard to keep up with him; he must have really wanted to be home as soon as possible. 

 

It was dark by the time we reached Yifan’s home. 

 

Yifan was standing outside by the time we walked in through the gates — was he pacing back and forth, waiting for us?

 

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" Yifan bellowed at me when he saw us. "You," he turned to Luhan, "I know I told you to go to the market, but I said nothing about dragging Zitao along with you!"

 

“Yifan, don’t get mad at him,” I retorted. “I offered to go with him, he even seemed hesitant to let me accompany him!” 

 

“I told you, you shouldn’t go out! Haven’t you heard what’s been going on?” 

 

“Of course, I know! That’s why it’s ridiculous for you to send Luhan out alone!! Why would you do that to him?”

 

“Luhan is smart and he knows his way. Also, you don’t understa—”

 

I was going to interrupt him, but Luhan beat me to it. He held up his hand to stop me from further arguing. “Zitao, it’s okay. I know why. Yifan, drop it.” 

 

“Whatever, you’re both back, and that’s all that matters,” Yifan breathed a strained sigh of relief. “I heard the Bian family and a few other people were executed this afternoon. I was worried that the “few other people” may have included you two.”

 

— Do they seriously just execute anyone off the streets?

 

— We should have bought more food. 

 

“Hey, stop yelling and come inside now, it’s getting dark,” Zhongdae called from the door. “Yifan, you’ve been standing there for hours, get your butt in here! You haven’t even eaten dinner, your food’s cold now.” 

 

Yifan avoided making eye contact with me, and while we were walking back inside, Luhan managed to strike up a conversation saying, “Yifan!! I just remembered! Shixun said hi to me this time!! I almost stopped, oh my gosh, I just wanted to go over and hug him and pinch his cheeks, and make sure he’s okay!!

 

“Yifan, what if he’s a revolutionary?!

 

“Yifan, oh my God, what if he was trying to capture me and send me to prison and have me executed?!

 

“He’s so adorable, he’s innocent like a baby, he wouldn’t do that, right?

 

“Yifan!”  

 

“Lu-ge,” Yifan called out sternly. “Breathe.” 

 

Luhan held his breath. 

 

“Exhale…” I told him from behind. 

 

“He wouldn’t do that to me, right?” Luhan looked behind at me with sad eyes.

 

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t personally know the magistrate to know what values he possesses, but all I can say for now is not to trust anyone but us,” I told him, saying my absolute honest truth. 

 

Right now, the only people I could trust were Zhongdae, Luhan, Xiumin, and Yifan. 


	6. 恐慌

**Huang Zitao’s Perspective**

 

We thought we had tight security. The fact that Yifan’s father hired more people to guard Yifan’s house enforced that idea. 

 

It was a typical evening and all the servants were supposed to be lined up against all the walls of the room, to watch Yifan eat his dinner. I had to go to the kitchen to check and see if his food was ready on time (since the stupid scholar was always such a brat about it). When I was about to leave the kitchen, I saw an unfamiliar servant lingering around the tea — it was a little strange... Maybe he wanted a sip or something.

 

Yifan hadn't told me he was hiring new servants. Maybe his father also wanted more people to cater to his son's every beck and call. He already placed more guards outside. How much more people does he need to ensure his son's safety?

 

The nobles must be really paranoid.

 

The nobles should be really paranoid.

 

When Yifan came into the room, everyone suddenly straightened up (I probably should have too, but it's Yifan; he doesn't care). I noticed that the weird servant was standing two people away from me on the wall next to mine. Remembering to look around for other newly hired people, I was a little confused when I saw that he was the only new face. 

 

I should greet him later and make him feel welcomed.

 

Yifan went through his appetizer and meal and after he drinks his cup of tea, he would be done and we'd be able to move around again. When a servant from the kitchen brought Yifan his tea, I noticed a change in expression from the new servant.

 

— It almost looked evil and sinister.

 

Yifan lifted the teacup to his mouth and his lips were about to sip the tea when… 

 

"Wait!" 

 

Yifan froze, lips not meeting the liquid yet, looking up at me from his cup.

 

In the corner of my eye, I saw an abrupt, but subtle change in the servant’s expression. It went from excited, to surprised, to placid in 0.0001 seconds flat. 

 

“Don’t drink that!” I yelled. 

 

“Zitao, why?” 

 

_ ‘You’re stepping out of line,’ was the message some of the glares sent me. _

 

“Have you hired any new servants today?"

 

Yifan was bewildered. "Today? No, you were the last servant I've brought into this house." 

 

"But then..." As soon as I made eye contact with the imposter, he fled into the kitchen, making people gasp and fall into disorder. Immediately, I ran after him, like a dog chasing another's tail. 

 

— I had to stop him before he harmed Yifan.

 

As soon as I swung the screen open, the guy almost kicked me in the face, but I barely dodged it. He retreated deeper into the kitchen and grabbed anything he could find. Food and bottles left his hands as soon as he touched them. A frying pan even flew at my face. When he saw I was catching up to him, he grabbed hold onto the bar where we hang the pots and pans and swung his feet at me. When he let go, he landed a kick square on my chest, and knocked me down.

 

When I looked around for the intruder, I saw he exited the kitchen and I immediately scrambled up to chase him down again. 

 

Now in the common room, I saw him try to leave through the front door. The screams of panicking maids and the shouts of servants echoed throughout the room, but only entered through my right ear and drifted through my left — my only attention was on the intruder. I took a ceramic plate from one of the tables and threw it at the man’s legs, causing him to tumble forward on the floor and out the door. 

 

As soon as I stepped outside, the man was back on his feet, and he was no longer running. Through the darkness, I could slightly make out that he was facing me, fists raised and ready for a fight. 

 

— I need my wushu stick. 

 

I’ve only trained with my wushu stick. I haven’t practiced hand-to-hand combat in a while.

 

“AHHHHH!” The man yelled while charging at me. 

 

Immediately, I dodged the punch he threw at me and I tried to swing at his head. I felt my gut being slammed into and I involuntarily let out a grunt of pain. Something pounded my mouth, and I could feel blood leaking from the corner of my mouth. 

 

This guy was beating me up. 

 

Where was everyone else? 

 

In a couple of minutes, I was pinned to the ground, breathless. I had no more fight left in me and I couldn’t move. Already facing up, I saw the guy was also bleeding somewhere on his face or head, although I couldn’t tell exactly from where. 

 

The man raised his foot just over my face. Before I could react or do anything, he shouted,

 

“Long live the revolution!” 

 

and his foot crushed the area over my eye. 

 

Half my face felt numb, and I couldn’t move. The man ran off from the house, and I could no longer go after him. 

 

The intruder escaped. 

 

— It’s my fault.

 

Light from torches filled the yard and I heard a rustling of footsteps that stopped near me. 

 

“Stop! What are you doing?! Don’t touch him!” 

 

“But sir, we need to heal him!” 

 

“I didn’t give you permission to touch him! I’ll take care of him myself,” Yifan snarled at the servant.

 

I felt myself being lifted from the ground. Arms were cradling my body, and I felt relief surging through my body. I felt tired and everything hurt, and I just wanted to lie down. 

 

"Why'd you have to go and harm yourself like that?"

 

I didn’t have the energy to reply, and I felt sleep take over my consciousness. 

  
  
  


**Wu Yifan’s Perspective**

 

“Usually, it would have been smart if he just stayed put when Tao said something…”

 

“Zhongdae! We’re lucky he didn’t do that! Otherwise, he might have found another opportunity to kill Yifan!” Luhan exclaimed. 

 

“We don’t need your nagging right now, Luhan,” I scolded him. 

 

From the mat, I heard Zitao groaning. 

 

“He’s up!” Luhan shouted from beside me. I smacked him in the head, and gave him a look saying ‘You’re being too loud,’ when he glared at me.

 

I kneeled down next to the mat and waited for Zitao to open his eye — one of them was swollen shut and blacked from being bruised. His lip was slowly healing, but I needed to put more medication. His body is fairly okay, since I didn’t see much bruising or signs of internal bleeding. 

 

“Urrrrrrrr, what…” 

 

“Shh,” I shushed him, reaching for the medication on the table beside us. Zitao decided to sit upright, although I insisted that he stay lying down, but he was persistent on sitting up. When I told him to hold still, I felt him stiffen a little, but I applied the medicine to his lip.

 

“Make sure you don’t touch it,” I told him.

 

He gave me a long look before opening his mouth. “You’re not hurt, right? You’re okay?” 

 

I looked at him incredulously. “You literally just got beaten up 3 hours before, and you’re worrying if I’m okay?” 

 

“I mean, what happened with the tea? Was there something funny in it?” 

 

I tensed a little, remembering what the house doctor told me just a little earlier.

 

_ “There was poison in your tea. The intruder tipped in  _ _ 蠱 (gǔ), probably when no one was looking. Good thing that servant of yours prevented you from drinking it; otherwise, you would've been hallucinating until you dropped dead from your viscera being eaten up.”  _

 

— Zitao saved my life. 

 

— I owe my life to Zitao. 

 

“No, nothing too important for you to know,” I responded.

 

Luhan and Zhongdae looked like they were going to protest, but I glared at them until they got the message, shooting down any further details. 

 

“Oh… I’m sorry I stopped you from enjoying your tea. And I let the intruder get away… Do I have to take responsibility?” 

 

— You already have taken responsibility for  _ my life _ . 

 

“No, not this time. You are injured,” I answered.

 

Zitao rubbed his face in misery, but yelped a little when his hands came into contact with his black eye. 

 

“Yeah, you might want to be careful there… You have a black eye. To offer you an image of how it appears, it looks like someone splatted poisonous blackberries all over your eye…" Luhan told him.

 

"At least it doesn’t look  _ that _ different,” Zhongdae remarked referring to Zitao’s black eye bags; Luhan threw his slipper at him to shut him up. 

 

“That must explain why I can only see out of one eye…” Zitao wondered aloud. “I remember him stomping on my face saying, ‘Long live the revolution!’ He was a revolutionary, and he wanted to kill you, Yifan.” 

 

“It doesn’t matter because I’m still alive,” I said a little coldly. "You were able to save me from dying."

 

"Dying from what? I thought you said there was nothing wrong with your tea."

 

For a moment, everything froze and I racked my brain for anything at the moment. I didn't want to let Zitao know that I was in serious mortal danger. 

 

"Dying from anxiety. If you didn't say anything about the intruder, I would have felt uneasy."

Zhongdae stifled a laugh, while Luhan looked done with everything.

 

Zitao gave me a questioning look but I just patted his knee and said, "Rest up," before I got up and left.

 

— I think that was a cool exit. 

 

— Does he think I'm cool yet?

 

A few steps after I exited the room, I realized no one gave him water to drink. Literally, he must have been so exhausted, being beaten up like that after chasing the revolutionary around the house. Not wanting him to get dehydrated, I returned to the room with water, but heard Luhan and Zhongdae talking to Zitao before I entered.

 

"You're okay right? No internal bleeding or broken ribs?" I heard Zhongdae's voice ask.

 

"Mhm."

 

"So... You and Yifan..."

 

"Yeah, what about him?"

 

"We noticed you guys are getting closer..." Luhan said, carefully insinuating something into the conversation.

 

"Yeah, I guess?"

 

... He guesses? 

 

My kindness is not repaid. [despairs] [internal whale noises]

 

"Yifan doesn't just help  _ anyone _ ," Luhan went on.

 

— Speak up, Luhan, I want to hear what you have to say for myself.

 

"So he must really care for you."

 

"Yeah, Luhan, remember that time you crashed into a market stall when you saw Magistrate Shixun? Hahaha, good times," Zhongdae recalled, making fun of his friend.

 

"Yeah, Yifan didn't help me then. He just looked at me and said, "Just go home and see the medical practitioner," even when my nose was dripping blood everywhere."

 

"No, I mean, we're not trying to give you a bad impression of Yifan, we're just saying he helped you, even when his personality doesn't usually allow that."

 

— Pft, thanks Zhongdae. 

 

"Yifan is a genuinely nice person when he wants to be. He has to have this cool facade since he's a scholar and he's supposed to be a role model, but he bends the rules and is actually pretty laid back and a little questionable. He may be book-smart, but he's pretty dumb."

 

— Alright, that’s it.

 

“Hey, Zitao, I need you to drink up,” I said, barging into the room. 

 

“Y-Yifan?” Zitao squeaked, probably afraid that I might’ve heard the conversation. 

 

“Did I miss anything while I was gone?”

 

“Nothing at all,” Zhongdae answered with a smug smile on his face, while Luhan raised his eyebrows at me.

 

Luhan was really smart.

 

Zitao looked calmer after he realized I “didn’t” hear anything from their conversation. 

 

I smiled at him.

 

“You must be really tired and thirsty. Come on, guys. Let’s leave Zitao alone so he could rest more.” 

 

Zhongdae and Luhan said their goodnights to him and walked out. “Make sure you finish that,” I said pointing to the water I gave him, “and get a good rest.” I turned around to walk out the door, but he grabbed my arm.

 

“Yifan.”

 

I turned back around to face him. “Hmm?” 

 

“You’re okay right?” 

 

Concern filled his eyes, and if I answered wrongly, he looked like he would break. If I said no, he would probably become upset. He’s worried about me, when he’s the one in much more pain. 

 

— If I said I didn’t feel anything, I would be lying. 

 

— This boy is precious to me, and I will make sure he doesn’t get hurt again.

 

“I’m fine. Thank you, Zitao.” 

 

I lightly released my arm from his grasp and walked out the door, my heart beating at an uncomfortable pace.

 

Goodnight.


	7. 提升

**Huang Zitao’s Perspective**

 

"Zitao, what are you doing? Get more rest."

  
  


"Zitao!! Sit back down! I’ll get you your water."

  
  


"Zitao, come eat with me. You need to get your energy back."

  
  


"Zitao, come back inside. You’ll get too tired from practicing wushu."

 

"Yifan, I’m fine. My face is back to normal and you’re overdoing everything. When I ate dinner with you last time, the other workers were giving me weird looks!"

 

"I’m just taking responsibility for your health and well-being. Please don’t refuse orders."

 

“But I didn’t ask you to take responsibility...”

 

Yifan took a long look at me and let out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. I was raised this way by my parents, and as a filial son, I learned that responsibility and wisdom are very important aspects of a person.

 

“I also just want to take care of you..."

 

“What? I didn’t catch that last part,” I asked. He turned away and mumbled it, how was I supposed to hear? 

 

“Nevermind, don’t worry about it and come inside,” Yifan commanded and walked away towards the house, ultimately ending the conversation. 

 

I couldn't even sneak in one last routine, since he stood outside the door waiting until I went inside. I sighed and picked up my stick from where I placed it on the ground, and held onto it tightly and started walking to the servant quarters.

 

"Hey, where are you going?" Yifan shouted from across the court.

 

I was a little startled, because I expected him to go away once I listened to his orders. I turned around to face him. 

 

"I'm going inside to where my room is...?" 

 

Yifan shook his head and waved his hand at me. "I said 'come' inside, as in to my house, not 'go' inside to your part of the house. I have some things I want to discuss with you."

 

— Things to discuss?

 

— Am I in trouble?

 

I don't remember doing anything wrong, but once Yifan talks like that, I can't help but feel nervous. He can be intimidating when he really wants to be.

 

I walked towards the house and followed him inside. The only people besides us were the two guards who always watched from outside his bedroom door. Maybe there were more, secretly hiding behind the furniture, but those two were the only ones in plain sight. 

 

“What is it that you want to talk about?” I asked, trying to stop looking around for any signs of ninjas hiding around the house. 

 

Yifan cut straight to the point. In fact, he didn’t even ask about anything, he just said it outright.

 

“I want you to be my personal bodyguard.” 

 

Bodyguard? In this time of danger? He didn’t even ask how I felt about it beforehand. He said the statement as if I will comply right away.

 

Actually, I probably will anyway. I had no choice.

 

“Okay…” I answered, not knowing how to respond anymore.

 

“Okay, you seem fine with it. As of today, you’re no longer my servant, but you’re my bodyguard. You have to be wherever I am at any given point in time, except when I go to the bathroom.” 

 

“Oh yeah, definitely,” I nodded exaggeratedly, immediately agreeing to the bathroom conditions. 

 

“That means you will no longer be sleeping in the servant quarters, but here with me.”

 

Oh.

 

“Wait, but as your bodyguard, shouldn’t I stay awake to ensure your safety during the nighttime?” 

 

Yifan looked as if he planned this thoroughly and was ready to answer any questions I had. “No, I’ll have a nighttime bodyguard to ensure your safety, too. This way, you can protect me during the day. After my father heard the news about you fighting the intruder in my house, he wanted you to be appointed and promoted to be at my side at all times.”  

 

Oh.

 

“Okay… let me just get my stuff from the servant quarters then—”

 

“No need. The servants already moved it in there,” Yifan cut in, pointing to where his bedroom was. 

 

My fighting spirit was gone. I was already done with the fact that he basically changed my position from a harmless servant to an alert bodyguard within seconds and without my consent. The fact that he already touched my stuff and moved it stirred something within me, but I was internally shaking my head at the way he does whatever he pleases.

 

This is Scholar Wu Yifan, not the Wu Yifan that takes care of me when I’m injured and makes sure I am inside the house before night falls. I despise Scholar Wu Yifan too much, considering it’s the first side of me he’s shown (after he ran over me and my rice), which did not leave such a great impression. 

 

“Is something wrong?” Yifan asked. 

 

“Yes,” I answered without thinking. “But am I allowed to say?” 

 

“Of course. You can say whatever you like. Trust is important in a bodyguard-subject relationship, right?” 

 

He’s giving me permission. I can say whatever I want! It’s Yifan; if I say something completely offensive, he will blow up on me one second, and then be fine about it after a few minutes. 

 

"You... You shouldn't be touching my stuff like that. And moving it without my permission! You can't just do whatever you want with me," I told him outright.

 

Yifan blinked back surprise at my outburst.

 

"I thought it would be fine," he answered earnestly.

 

"I know your personality and your family background, so I almost let it go. But I'm telling you now so you know in the future. Consent is very important. People have feelings and you need their permission to do certain things."

 

"Is that it?"

 

"It's not only about moving my stuff. You changed my status within this house without even consulting me. Maybe I wanted to stay in the servant quarters with Luhan and Zhongdae."

 

Yifan was deep in thought, thinking about what I said. He was contemplating my words and going over what he's done wrong. Finally, he looked up at me and smiled. "Alright, I'll try not to let it happen again."

 

"Thank you. Now, what am I supposed to do as your bodyguard?” 

 

He only smiled. "It's late. Let's sleep now. We can talk about it tomorrow." 

 

Yifan slid open the door to his room and I saw golden silk sheets were already prepared on the floor. It looked as if it could bed two people -- did he really need that much space?

 

I looked around the rest of the room. Where's my sheets?

 

"Where am I sleeping?" I hesitated to ask him.

 

He pointed to the golden spread on the floor and turned to me. "With me. Did you think I'm going to let you sleep on the floor?"

 

My eyes widened. Isn't that weird? 

 

— What would others say?

 

"N-no. I'll just lean against the wall and stay up for as long as I can, watching you sleep peacefully."

 

Surprise was written all over Yifan's face. "Then how are you going to stay awake during the day?"

 

"I'll figure something out!!" 

 

Yifan seemed genuinely taken aback, but recollected himself and said, "Alright, suit yourself."

 

As he started taking away his outer garments, I immediately turned my head and he noticed. "We're both men here, calm down. And it's not like I'm even stripping."

 

Stupid scholar.

 

I took my place against the wall next to the window and slid down until I was sitting, my back straight and posture indignant and prideful.

 

In his white underclothes, he lifted up the golden sheets and slid inside, giving me one last look before asking, "You sure?" 

 

I have him a curt nod and he blew out the candles next to his bed.

 

It was dark but the moonlight shone through the window. I could see Yifan's exact features as he lied there and breathed and I've never seen him look so calm and beautiful since I've met him. Everything was let loose and vulnerable and I was almost glad that I'm the one who gets to see him in this state.

 

But I realized the thoughts I was thinking. Master-slave relationships are not okay. I had to stop thinking this way and shake off the feeling. It's never going to happen -- the people of the house will look down on me and kick me out if they find out the feelings I had.

 

It's hard. It's hard when he's taking care of me and worrying about me. I shouldn't have let myself get hurt. However, thinking about what would have happened to Yifan doesn't make me regret the decision for my actions.

 

I closed my eyes, trying to block out my thoughts and letting sleep taking over the rest of the night.

  
  
  


The first thing I open my eyes to was Yifan yawning and stretching in his bed. When he realized I was awake, he had his stupid smirk plastered on his face and asked, "How you feeling?" 

 

I was going to ask him what he meant when I moved and realized my butt and legs were numb and my back and neck were sore.

 

"STUPID SCHOLAR. YOU KNEW I WAS GOING TO HURT IN THE MORNING RIGHT?" 

 

He only shrugged. "I offered you the option to sleep beside me on the sheets, but you insisted on sleeping against the wall."

 

I groaned as I got up, rubbing my neck as Yifan laughed at me and told me to get ready for the day.

 

As opposed to the weather getting colder, today was really nice; it was a day where all the servants and cooks of the Wu household couldn't manage to stay away from the outdoors and get a whiff of fresh air. 

 

I just finished washing my face, walking out of the washroom with a towel around my neck when I saw Yifan walking at an uncomfortable pace and a slightly abashed face, and Luhan and Zhongdae skipping behind him, holding huge baskets at their side. It was clear that they were overly happy, as they reached their hands into the baskets and threw out grains of rice and flowers around Yifan. 

 

"生日快乐！Happy birthday to you!" Luhan and Zhongdae were obnoxiously singing at the top of their lungs. 

 

Yifan gave up and stopped walking to turn around and glare at his two friends. "You two always have something to come up with every year. Aren't you great?"

 

I walked up from behind him and tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned around and saw it was me, all anger was wiped away. "Oh, Zitao? Yes?"

 

"It's your birthday today?" I asked. No one told me beforehand, and I realized I never even asked him myself. 

 

He sighed deeply. "Yes."

 

"And you didn't even tell me yesterday? I didn't do anything for you or get you anything... I'm sorry..." I apologized.

 

"It's fine. These two idiots just have nothing to do," he shrugged, laughing it off. "I'm just glad you've had the thought of wanting to get me something. That alone is enough for me."

 

The day carried on as usual, with Yifan sitting wherever he wanted, his face buried in a book while I had to look out for him. Something bothered me in the back of my mind, and I couldn't shake it off. 

 

I've been spending the whole day with him and I've done nothing for him. 

 

"Play a prank on him." 

 

"What?" I asked after Zhongdae replied to my question of what I should do. It was after dinner time and it was basically time for the night guards to take over my position. Around this time, Yifan lets me do whatever I want, except for going outside the grounds of his property.

 

A mischievous smile spread across his face as he repeated, "You should play a prank on him. And after it's carried out, say, 'Happy belated birthday!!'"

 

"That's not a very nice birthday gift," I pointed out.

 

"Of course it is! After all this revolution shit, Yifan's been so tightly winded up with stress and anxiety. He could use some loosening up."

 

I thought about it. It  _ has _ been a while since he last genuinely smiled. 

 

I tried to think about other possibilities of making him smile. I can't take him out anywhere because that will just make him more stressed, and my cooking will probably have a higher chance of bringing death upon him than when I bring him outside. 

 

Zhongdae was right. Maybe a little prank will lighten him up. The worst he can do to me is say that stupid line of his, “Take responsibility.” 

 

"Are you  _ sure  _ this will make him laugh? It will make him happy even for one moment?"

 

He only gave me a smile. "You worry too much."

 

"Do you still have those grains of rice from when you were skipping behind him and throwing it around?"

 

"Wow! You have an idea already? The apprentice has surpassed the master!"

 

"Yeah, sort of, I guess."

 

"Huh, your prankster side just might be more evil than mine. That was quick!" Zhongdae said, impressed.

 

"Who said that it was going to be a good idea?"

 

"It should be, otherwise it'll be disappointing. Come with me, young grasshopper." 

 

I followed Zhongdae into the kitchen the baskets were lying on the floor, halfway filled with rice. 

 

"I'm gonna need honey too. Probably, maybe."

 

"This is sounding pretty good already," Zhongdae cackled. I shook my head at how evil he could be. “Hey, 趣味相投。Similar people will make good friends — we are good friends, so you are evil, too! 

 

When I gathered all the things I needed, Zhongdae put his hand on my shoulder, looked me straight in the eye, and said in a serious tone, "Do not fail me, brother."

 

I just gave him a nod and a nervous chuckle and slid my way out of the kitchen and into Yifan's room. 

 

Right now, the target was nowhere in sight. He was most likely washing up and wouldn't come back anytime soon (since rumor has it that he literally takes forever in the bathroom when it comes to beautifying his skin).

 

I hid the basket of rice and the honey behind the folding screen at the back of the room and scurried to his work desk. I quickly scribbled down two characters on a piece of parchment and grabbed the paper as soon as I was done and hid it with the rest of the stuff in the back.

 

I was taking my place against the wall when Yifan came in. “Oh, Zitao, you’re in here already,” he said in surprise when he saw me. 

 

While he was airing out his towel folding his outer clothes away, I glanced all over the room to see if I left any traces of evidence behind that would give away my plans to prank him. Everything seemed fine until.... OH MY GOSH, I LEFT THE BRUSH OUT AND I DIDN’T EVEN CLEAN IT UHHHH…. 

 

“You’re going to sleep there again tonight?” He asked, interrupting my thoughts. He was already getting underneath his covers, pausing so that he still held up the sheets while laying down on his side and waiting for me to answer.

 

"Yeah, I'll probably get used to it," I replied, making up the excuse.

 

Yifan sighed and said, "Alright, do what you want."

 

I waited until I heard his breathing became slow and even. When I was sure he was sleeping, I thought about my plan through and through, deciding it would be better if I did it just before he woke up. 

  
  
  


"HUANG ZITAO!!!!!!" 

 

I woke up with a start and saw Yifan staring at himself in the mirror. The honey was starting to drip from his face and onto his clothes -- I sprang into action, grabbing the paper and the basket of rice and stood in front of him. 

 

I grabbed the back of his head and dunked his face into the basket of rice and then stuck the piece of paper of his forehead. 

 

"寿星"

 

The sheer look of utter disbelief and shock was written all over his face. He removed the rice stuck to his eyelids and around the eye area and looked back into the mirror to read what the characters said. 

 

"Birthday boy?"

 

I smiled. "Happy belated birthday!!"

 

All of a sudden, Yifan's bedroom door flew open and Zhongdae popped his head in to see what was going on; he was so pleased to see the scene that was laid out before him. I could tell with the Cheshire cat grin that curled around his lips and how he practically bounced around into the room towards me, with his arms up, as if he was gonna hug me.  “YASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! ZITAO, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW?!” He latched onto me, his arms wounded around me in a proud hug. 

 

Yifan scowled through the rice and the honey. “You’re the one that told him to do this?” 

 

Zhongdae uncoiled himself from around me and faced Yifan. A smirk was plastered on his face. “Not necessarily.”

 

I was starting to realize Zhongdae’s intentions weren’t pleasant at all. He used me to stress Yifan out more than he already was!

 

Yifan’s facial expression was unreadable. “Zitao, you did this to me? All by yourself?” 

 

I began to panic; it was not normal for me not to be able to read Yifan’s emotions or know what he was thinking. However, it seemed like he was leaning towards the angry side of the emotion spectrum. "Sorry, sorry! Yifan, I'm so sorry! Zhongdae set me up to it! And I didn’t do anything for you and it was your birthday yesterday, and…" I turned to said servant. "You're so mean! Wipe that smirk off your face!"

 

I thought Yifan would brush me away and dismiss me from the room. I kind of felt embarrassed and really dumb at the moment.

 

Then he just laughed.

 

He just started laughing and he wouldn't stop. It was just like the first time we met, when I said something offensive, but it had still set him off into a fit of laughter.

 

"This was a great prank!" He breathed and resumed laughing. "I never expected it!"

 

Pure shock was registered on Zhongdae's face and probably on my own.

 

“Why are you laughing? You’re supposed to be angry at him!!” Zhongdae yelled out. “You’re so weird sometimes!!” 

 

Yifan was finally able to control his laughter and said, “I’ve told you, Zhongdae. I’ve figured it out. You can’t change it anymore.” 

 

I was confused. What were they talking about? Was there something I’m missing? 

 

“You can’t get me angry at Zitao — not when I’m like this.” 

 

Zhongdae looked like he was a little confused, too, but then Yifan gave him a look and then it was as if a lightbulb went off in Zhongdae’s head and he had gotten the message. I felt so left out and clueless. 

 

“Ah! Gotcha~” Zhongdae said and scurried out of the room. 

 

I turned to look at Yifan, my expression asking for answers. 

 

The stupid scholar decided to ignore me. 

 

“Please get me a bucket of water, so I can wash my face.” 

 

I wanted to ask what was going on and if he knew if Zhongdae had a greater plan that I wasn’t a part of, but I decided to drop it. I turned, but before I could walk out of the room, he called out to me, “Thanks, Zitao. I haven’t laughed like that in ages.”

  
  
  


**Wu Yifan’s Perspective**

 

“Jin Zhongdae, you are a one of a kind rascal,” Luhan scolded when he heard what the prankster did to Zitao and Yifan. “Your antics have a certain limit, you know.” 

 

“Hey, listennnnn~” Zhongdae started, with a really sassy tone, “it was Zitao that came up with the prank. I just instilled in him that it would be a great stress reliever for our lovely little scholar. I can’t believe it backfired on me though.” 

 

“You deserve it, you brat,” I berated him. “I trusted you with my feelings, and you are trying to sabotage them.”

 

“Trust me, lover boy, you’re in way too deep. You’ve proven that nothing Zitao does will get you angry. Except that one time he went out with Luhan to the market…” 

 

I glared at Luhan, who sat up defensively. “I told you!! He’s the one that offered and he even said that it was alright for him to come. I thought he asked you if he could tag along.”

 

“But I  _ specifically  _ told you, I don’t want Zitao going out of the house,” I stressed exasperatedly.

 

“You’re too protective of him, jeez,” Zhongdae sighed. "You stayed out for hours that day."

 

"And you didn't have to tell him that! You said it in front of him that day! I couldn't look him in the eye for a few hours afterwards."

 

We were all sitting around my art room, surrounded by the paintings I took time to draw out as a distraction. I had almost nothing to do ever since my father commanded me not to attend my job anymore. Luhan was sitting on the floor, while Zhongdae, who was already sitting improperly on one chair, used his foot to pull out another and plopped his feet on it. I scowled at this action. 

 

It was after dinner, and Zitao was practicing combat outside as usual. He wanted to get in as much practice as possible before the season’s weather turned colder. The summer air was already long gone and the autumn wind was already blowing.

 

Zhongdae suddenly started laughing. 

 

“I CAN’T GET THAT IMAGE OF YOUR FACE OUT OF MY HEAD. YOU LOOKED RIDICULOUS!! YOU WERE JUST SO SHOCKED THAT ZITAO WOULD EVER DO THAT TO YOU.”

 

I groaned. He was talking about the prank again. The feeling of honey and uncooked rice on my face was not a pleasant experience. “Whatever, you can laugh all you want, but you’ve essentially failed.” 

 

“You think I failed? Many benefits have shown up from that joke. It’s just that one thing, lover boy,” Zhongdae teased, and Luhan buried his head between his knees. No matter how many times he scolded his fellow servant, Luhan would always see Zhongdae finding a way to cause a ruckus. 

 

“Alright, let me make it clear to you one more time. You can call me that whenever we’re having a conversation like this, but if it’s in front of Zitao, I’ll have you sent straight into town to get your body pulled apart by the oxens.”

 

“That’s not very nice,” Zhongdae pouted.

 

“So don’t do it,” I retorted.

 

Luhan lifted his head. “So what are you going to do about these feelings? I always bring this question up, but you never have an answer. Zitao is going to find out soo—”

 

"BUT HE’S SO OBLIVIOUS!!” Zhongdae shouted out, standing up from his chair. “Lover boy is painfully obvious and indiscreet, so it’s either Zitao's really clueless and inobservant or he’s just ignoring Yifan’s feelings. LET’S HOPE IT’S NOT THE LATTER.” 

 

“ZHONGDAE, BE QUIET,” Luhan hissed. “There are other people in the house!” 

 

"Let them hear!! It's so obvious that everyone knows!"

 

"No, actually... The other servants think it's the other way around. They think Tao is the one with feelings with Yifan and us seducing him."

 

什么?

 

People are talking about Zitao in a negative light? They are just jealous.

 

"Who are those people? Let me fire them," I growled.

 

Luhan shook his head. "Stop being a fool. You'd kick out your whole house then. Let them talk, since they know nothing. It will entertain us."

 

My mood was spoiled. All of Zitao's hard work to cheer me up was ruined. How could people take him for granted like that? A sweet boy like him, who uses up his practice time to help the other servants finish their chores instead. Are you kidding me? And he loves wushu, but he'd rather put others before want he wants. He was selfless.

 

I heard the door open outside. Zitao must be done with his practice. He also must’ve washed up already and will probably be going to sleep soon; it was a queue for this discussion to end since he would be in the room next to where we were. 

 

“Alright, lover boy —”

 

“HEY!” 

 

“— your favorite person is back, so we should get going,” Zhongdae teased. While I pouted, Zhongdae pulled Luhan up and they both exited out of the room. I gave a heavy sigh and got up to leave the room. I was closed the door and made my way to my room; Zitao was there already, drying his hair with a towel.

 

“How was practice?” I asked. 

 

He stopped rubbing his hair with the towel and looked at me. “It was… like a normal practice…” 

 

Right. How dumb could I be to ask that question?

 

I felt shut down and didn’t know what else to talk about, so I just climbed under the sheets and made myself comfortable. I called it a day and closed my eyes, ready for sleep. After a few silent moments, I felt a light poke on my shoulder and my eyes opened to see Zitao leaning over me. 

 

“Can I sleep with you?”

 

.

.

.

 

I just stared at him. I couldn’t believe my ears. I get to lie down and sleep beside the person I liked? Was this a joke?

 

“I thought you said you were going to get used to sleeping while sitting?” I asked, still a little doubtful. I really believed he was immersed in the act of bodyguard and wanted to seem tough by sleeping while standing. 

 

“I only said that so I could play the prank on you. If I slept next to you and got up in the middle of the night, you surely would have felt me moving around when getting up to retrieve the materials. It’s really too uncomfortable to keep sleeping like that,” he said, his distastefulness scrunching up his nose. 

 

— How cute.

 

“Of c-course,” I stuttered. “My offer still stands.”

 

Zitao muttered a “thanks” and walked around to occupy the other side of my sheets. I did not dare move until I knew for sure he was asleep. His breathing became slower and I could tell he was at ease. I slowly turned around so that I wouldn’t wake him up, and to my surprise he was not facing the other side. I thought just seeing his back would be enough, but instead I saw his face. His beautiful, calm face, a little smushed against the pillow on the side he was leaning on. The face that was fierce and wild while awake was now stunningly peaceful as he slept. 

 

I drifted off at the thought of Zitao, and for the first time since the revolution, blissfully dreamt of peace and serenity. 


	8. 告白

**Wu Yifan's Perspective**

 

With every passing day, everything became more and more nerve-wracking. Father specially hired a servant that would go into the village and observe what catastrophe was taking place. He would come back to me and tell me news that came from the village -- of people being hung everywhere, the market being trashed, and random villagers being driven into stakes. 

 

The news this time was fire. 

 

I heard the revolutionaries wanted to set something on fire -- we weren't sure what, but it could be crops or houses. 

 

"Yifan, are you okay?" 

 

Zitao's innocent voice broke through my mind, and I realized that I was fidgeting. I couldn't keep still with these thoughts running through my head. Soon the village would be completely destroyed, and they would make their way here. Destroying the village was a warning, but a warning for what? What do they exactly want us to do?

 

They want us to give them our wealth. They want us to suffer. But the other noble families would never give up their pride and their money...

 

"Yifan, what are you thinking about?"

 

That was the second time. 

 

"It's nothing, you don't have to worry about it."

 

“I know it’s not just ‘nothing’. If you keep staring out into space like that, I’m obviously going to worry,” Zitao retorted. 

 

I didn’t realize I was spacing out again out of worry until Zitao got up and abruptly said, “I’m going to go practice wushu. It’s almost the end of the day anyway, so my shift should be ending.” 

 

Unconsciously, I gave a little nod and began worrying all over again — enough that I didn’t even hear Zitao leave. 

 

... Fire... 

 

... Starting with the spark of the revolution…

  
  
  


**Huang Zitao's Perspective**

 

He never lets me know anything… it’s a little frustrating at times, to be honest; but I can’t really force him to say anything to me. He can tell me everything when he’s ready.

 

But still… 

 

He was just sitting in front of me and the look on his face seemed so lost and conflicted. I’m right in front of him — he’s so close, but he’s so out of touch. I tried to ask him what was wrong, but he remained unresponsive for the most part. I gave up after a while and decided to go practice wushu in the courtyard. 

 

Lately, I’ve been making sure to practice  _ both  _ hand-to-hand combat and with my stick, so that my run in with the rebels wouldn’t result the same as my last encounter… I shuddered thinking about it, because I had quite a long recovery period afterwards. 

 

I practiced until my whole body was drenched in sweat and until the sky was on fire. Pink clouds hung overhead and the sky had an orange tint. I was lying on the ground, embracing the calm weather and feeling the wind against my clammy skin. With everything being peaceful, it was a little weird when I began to smell smoke. 

 

At first, I thought dinner was cooking and the smell was coming from the house. But no, I sat upright and noticed the smell was too distant for it to be just from Yifans house. I stood and looked overhead and noticed that the sky was  _ really  _ on fire — there was smoke coming from the village.

 

The sky from that area was beginning to darken with the smoke filling the air. The smoke was so heavy, that there must have been a  _ huge  _ fire — like a whole field. 

 

Xiumin.

 

That was the first thing to come to my mind. 

 

I had to tell Yifan what was happening and leave right away. I had to make sure my brother was okay. I rushed into the house, leaving my forgotten wushu stick on the ground somewhere outside, and looked for the scholar. I found him in his art room, having a quiet discussion with Luhan and Zhongdae. 

 

“Yifan…” I called out to him breathlessly, after slamming open the door. 

 

“Zitao, are you okay?” Yifan asked, concerned. 

 

“I have to go to the village. Something looks wrong,” I told him. “I’m going right away.”

 

Yifan looked really startled and uneasy, and I almost missed the looks on Zhongdae and Luhan’s faces. I turned around immediately to run out of the house with the intention of sprinting all the way to the village.

 

“ZITAO!! ZITAO!! NO, YOU CAN’T!!” I heard Yifan shouting from behind by the time I was outside. It seemed that he ran after me as soon as he figured out that I was going to follow through on what I said, but I didn’t care whether or not he followed me to the village. 

 

“ZITAO, STOP!” He yelled, by the time I was at the front of the house. The urgency in his voice halted me in my tracks.

 

I let out a frustrated yell. I didn't have time! Xiumin could be in trouble right now. "WHAT IS IT YIFAN, I HAVE TO GO!!"

 

"Zitao, hear me out. Don't go," Yifan pleaded. 

 

"WHY NOT? XIUMIN IS THERE IN THE VILLAGE. HE COULD BE DEAD BY NOW! I HAVE TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON!!"

 

"It's fire, the rebels are setting fire and you could get hurt if you go."

 

"I'm willing to get hurt if Xiu— wait a minute... You knew? You knew and you didn't tell me?" 

 

"Zitao, it's not what you thi—"

 

"You knew this whole time and you didn't tell me? You didn't think about my brother?"

 

"Zitao, I'm trying to protect you—"

 

"Why are you trying so hard to protect me, I don't need it!!" By this time, I saw Luhan and Zhongdae running up and from behind and stopping as they saw the scene unfolding before them. 

 

I heard a faint bang and looked towards the direction of the village, only to see more smoke filling the sky. I... I have to go... 

 

I turned around to run, almost completely forgetting the argument I was having with Yifan when something stopped me in my tracks again.

 

"I LIKE YOU," Yifan shouted. 

 

What?

 

I slowly turned around to find the scholar with a serious expression on his face with pleading eyes. "I like you. Or even, I think I might’ve fallen in love with you! You're the reason why I'm always worried, but at the same time seeing you smile makes me happy. I don't want to see you get hurt, and I would never forgive myself if I didn't stop you. I really like you and you're the first person I've ever sincerely liked, so take responsibility."

 

_ Bang! _

 

No matter how far away they were, shouts of panic and gasps of horror were starting to ring in my ears. Xiumin was my only family right now and I can't believe I would ever leave him alone to live by himself during a time of danger. 

 

“Please, you don’t even have to answer my feelings right now. I can and am willing to wait for however long for your answer. Just… please, just don’t go.” 

 

Behind him, I saw the shocked faces of Zhongdae and Luhan. It was written all over their face how they didn’t want me to go, too. I thought about how they all didn't want me to get hurt. They've taken care of me this whole time, and I'm repaying their kindness in a seemingly ungrateful way.

 

— 血浓于水。

 

— Blood is thicker than water.

 

"I'm sorry... I can't right now..." 

 

I ran off in the direction of the village as quickly as I could. However, as I ran, I couldn't get the image I saw of Yifan's crushed and disappointed face before I turned around and took off. 

  
  
  


By the time I reached the village, it was nighttime. The stars were out and the darkness was lit with the houses that were on fire. It was almost hard to make my way and recognize where I was, since everything looked the same and I couldn’t tell which house was where. 

 

— It was a nightmare.

 

Children were crying and people were running everywhere. It was chaos — through the midst of everything, I saw that there were some people who were carrying the fire torches. I tried my best to avoid them and look for the house I used to live in. 

 

Some houses were not on fire yet, so I prayed that Xiumin was one of the lucky ones. With every running step I took, my hopes crashed lower and lower, and I felt panic overcome me. What was I supposed to do if I found it on fire? 

 

I turned one corner and my heart dropped. Some of the town’s grandmas were gathered around what I recognized was my house and it was ablaze. The roof was spitting and flames and the fire was licking the walls and burning through into the hut. 

 

_ Xiumin. Xiumin. Xiumin. _

 

There was no Xiumin standing around, staring at the house with the grandmas. 

 

_ He must still be in the house. _

 

I didn’t think, and before I knew it, my legs were sprinting into the hut. Shouts of protests from the grandmas (“ _ Zitao! Zitao! No! _ ”) were ignored and I felt immediate heat as I ran past the flames that were surrounding the door. 

 

Everything was a red, angry color, and the smoke was starting to make my eyes water. “Xiumin!!” I tried calling out, but the fumes made me choke back and cough. I didn’t give up and kept trying to call for my brother while moving around in the house. He wasn’t in the kitchen, and I tried checking the living room. 

 

When I went to his bedroom, I saw a huge dark body mass on the floor and my heart sank. “Xiumin-ge!!” I tried calling out to him. He wasn’t getting up — he probably passed out from the blistering heat of the fire or suffocation from the smoke. There was a huge wall of fire, blocking me from getting to him, so I couldn’t get up and go over to him. He was lying so still on the floor, and I felt another surge of panic building up, along with the bile rising up in my throat.

 

What if he can’t wake up? 

 

I tried once more. If he wasn’t going to respond, then I’m going in for him. “Xiumin!!! Wake up!!” 

 

— No movement.

 

I tried to see if there was some way around it, or if I could grab hold on the ceiling and swing over it, but it was on fire, too. Forget it, I’m going to have to charge through the fire. 

 

I was ready to lunge into the inferno, when I felt strong arms grasp around my body and pull me back. “NO! ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU’RE GOING TO BURN TO DEATH!” The stranger was pulling me farther and farther back from the room, and farther away from my brother. 

 

“What? What are you doing?” I tried to shout out against my perpetrator, but my cries only came out choked and incoherent. “Let go of me! Put me down! I need to get my brother!!”

 

The person carrying me only ran around the house faster, trying to find the exit and avoiding any flames possible. When he came across the exit, he sprang through the door and outside of the burning house. He threw me on the ground as he fell down, too. I rolled onto my stomach and vomited, trying to regain fresh air into my system. I couldn’t breathe at first, but when my lungs adjusted to the different atmosphere, I could take in oxygen again.  

 

“Xiumin… Xiumin…” I gasped out frantically, starting to scramble up from the ground. The man beside me who grabbed me out of the house pushed back down. 

 

“Zitao, I need you to calm down.” 

 

I savagely turned to see who would make such a ridiculous command. I was met with the sooty and blackened face of Magistrate Wu Shixun. His face was insanely calm for someone who forced another to leave his brother to die in a fire. 

 

He saw that he was not getting a response from me. “Huang Zitao, are you alright?” 

 

I punched him square in the jaw and knocked him over, so that I could continue punching him. “YOU BASTARD!! WHY DID YOU PULL ME OUT OF THE HOUSE!! I WAS GOING TO SAVE MY BROTHER, YOU SHIT!!” 

 

I was going to continue throwing punches on his face, but another strong set of arms wrapped around me and pulled me away from the magistrate. “FUCK!! LET GO OF ME YOU INGRATE!! I NEED TO KILL HIM!!”

 

“HUANG ZITAO, CONTROL YOURSELF,” I barely heard the commanding voice of General Zhang Yixing order. 

 

“WHY WOULD YOU GRAB ME, WHY DIDN’T YOU GRAB MY BROTHER INSTEAD!!” I continued to yell at Magistrate Wu. “IF YOU WEREN’T GOING TO SAVE XIUMIN, YOU SHOULD’VE JUST LEFT ME TO DIE, TOO!!” I screamed, still thrashing, trying to get out of General Zhang’s hold. “LET GO OF ME!!” 

 

“I’m sorry, Zitao, I’m sorry,” Magistrate Wu sincerely apologized. “There was nothing that could be done, but to save you.” 

 

“WHY DIDN’T YOU GET HIM OUT? HE’S MY BROTHER!! WHY WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE HIM THERE?!” 

 

Xiumin… my beloved brother… Xiumin… 

 

From behind, the house collapsed from the fire and I knew that it was really the end. My heart stopped and all the oxygen momentarily escaped from my lungs. My brother was gone. He was stuck inside his room, and no one saved him. Was it painful for him? Did suffer a lot when he died? 

 

I couldn’t help myself when the tears streamed down my face and when I let out a cry of anguish. I stopped thrashing around and sobbed, calling out my brother’s name. I didn’t even get to tell him goodbye… I just left him there, burning, in his room… I always only scolded him whenever I visited to him. General Zhang dropped me onto the ground, and I couldn’t help but defensively curl up into a ball, trying to shield myself from any more hurt that could come to my already shattered heart. 

 

“Xiumin-ge… I’m sorry I couldn’t save you,” I desperately sobbed, hoping my brother would hear my apology and forgive me in his afterlife. “Xiumin, you know that I love you, I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you…” 

 

“Save me from what?” 

 

Time stopped. 

 

Was I hearing things? 

 

It felt like it took forever for me to look up and behind me, but I couldn’t believe my eyes. I rubbed the tears from my eyes, just to make sure it wasn’t my eyes being blurry and playing tricks on me. My brother was standing there, a little forward from the crowd of the few grandmas that were gaping at the house on fire earlier on. Xiumin was standing there, looking healthy and looking as if he were not hurt anywhere at all — as if he hadn’t been near the fire at all. 

 

“Zitao, why are you covered in soot? Don’t tell me you went into the fire?!” 

 

I let out of cry of relief and ran to him. Before he could ask what was going on, I crashed into him and hugged him, clinging onto him as if he would disappear from my sight any second. “Is this real? You’re alive, you’re alive,” I cried. “I really thought I lost you, oh my God.” 

 

“What are you talking about? I was at the fields the whole time…” 

 

“Wait, oh my God, you weren’t living with someone, right? I saw someone on the floor of your bedroom, and they weren’t moving, they must have passed out from the fumes and I didn’t saVE THEM OH MY GOD—” 

 

“ZITAO!! CALM DOWN!!” Xiumin shouted, grabbing hold of his little brother and shaking some sense into him. “You mean you went into the house when it was on fire?!” 

 

“I had to make sure you were okay!! I didn’t see you standing out here!!” 

 

“Huang Zitao, never again do I want you to ever risk your own life for me!!” my brother shrieked. 

 

“But, ge—”

 

“No—”

 

“Xiu—”

 

“I said no—”

 

“How can you ju—”

 

“NO!! Promise me!! I can’t believe you would throw yourself into fire when I could have already been dead in there!! If I’m in trouble, why would I want you to put yourself in danger?” 

 

“Xiumin, you’re being ridiculous right now! You’re my brother, my only family!! Without you, I have no one left!!” I retorted, leaving Xiumin to sigh in defeat. He knew I was right, and had nothing to say in retaliation. “Forget it, now what? Just come live with me at Yifan’s place.” 

 

“What? Is it really okay for me to?” 

 

“Hopefully, Yifan will understand under these circumstances…” I looked around for General Zhang and Magistrate Wu to apologize for my irrational behavior, but they were already out of sight. I’ve been so caught up with Xiumin being alive that I hadn’t noticed they had slipped away from the scene. I stopped looking around at the chaos and the fire everywhere, but despite everything, I smiled at my brother. “Let’s just get out of here and find out.” 

 

Xiumin nodded and I bowed to the grandmas. I felt apologetic, because there was really nothing I could do for them. Fortunately, their houses weren’t affected. I thanked them for their kind hearts for coming out in the danger to make sure Xiumin was alright when they saw our house was one of the many that caught fire. Afterwards, my brother and I quickly made our way out of the town. 

 

I was so relieved when we got onto the path at the edge of town. I thought about how I almost lost Xiumin and shuddered as I thought about what would have happened if I listened to Yifan and hadn’t gone. 

 

“Are you okay, Zitao? You’re not extremely hurt anywhere, right?” 

 

“I’m fine as long as you’re fine.” 

 

It was really late into the night, but we arrived at Yifan’s house to find everyone waiting. From afar, I could see most of the servants were holding lamps, their light illuminating Yifan as he nervously paced around the front. Luhan and Zhongdae were standing behind the doorway, watching as the scholar was wearing away by the minute. 

 

“ZITAO, THANK THE HEAVENS,” Yifan cried out when he saw me. He immediately ran up to me and embraced me, holding onto me tightly. After a few seconds, he pulled back quickly to examine me. He took in the state I was and saw all the burns and the soot that covered me, which was now staining his clothing. “You’re hurt!! Tell the medical aid to wait in the art room!!” he yelled, turning around to command some of the servants. 

 

“I’m fine, I just need to wash up,” I insisted. “I’ll be all healed up in no time.”

 

“I can’t believe you,” Yifan sighed, then turned to my brother. “Are you okay? I think it would be best if you stayed with us for the time being.” 

 

“Thank you so much, Scholar Wu. I will never forget your kindness,” my brother thanked and bowed a full 90 degrees.  

 

Yifan only nodded, then turned back to me. “Let’s go back inside and clean you up.” 

 

Yifan gently grabbed my arm and guided me as I walked past the watchful eyes of all the servants and the men and women of the house, and Xiumin, Zhongdae, and Luhan followed. We proceeded to the art room, where the doctor was already waiting. 

 

Yifan made sure I was seated comfortably in a seat and told the doctor to examine me. “I’ll be right back, I’ll go get you water,” he told me, before walking out of the room. 

 

As the doctor got the medicine ready to treat my burns, Luhan and Zhongdae were wiping my arms and face with a clean, warm, wet cloth to get rid of the ash and soot that came from the fire. “Doesn’t this scene seem familiar?” Zhongdae joked.

 

I thought about it. There has not been one moment when someone had to clean me up like this. “No?” 

 

“Not us — Yifan. You don’t remember another time when he was pacing in front of the house, waiting for you to come back from the village? Or that time when you were lying in bed and he went to get you water? He really cares about you,” Luhan reminded me. 

 

— Right.

 

— I remember. 

 

Yifan walked back into the room with some water for me, which my throat quietly appreciated. When Zhongdae and Luhan were done cleaning me up, 

 

“Di, you know how you said something about someone being in my room?” Xiumin quietly asked.

 

“Yes, ge, I'm really sorry, I really tried to save whoever it was--"

 

"Really, don't worry about it," Xiumin assured.

 

"I just watched a person burn to death when I could have saved them and you're telling me not to worry about it? I pretty much went into our burning house for nothing!" 

 

"You ran inside your house while it was on fire?!" Yifan squawked.

 

My brother ignored the scholar and drew a long breath. "It was not a  _ person _ in my room... It was a scarecrow I was working on to scare away the birds from the crops I planted."

 

When I fully digested what he said, the medical practitioner almost had to treat me for cardiac arrest.


	9. 窥探 [Zitao]

I woke up and groaned, feeling the blistering uncomfortableness and soreness that plagued my muscles. Yesterday was a rough day, and my body hasn’t forgotten that yet. I looked around the room, but Yifan wasn’t anywhere in sight.

 

He must’ve gotten up early. 

 

Is he embarrassed to see me?

 

What do I tell him?

 

How am I supposed to face him without an answer?

 

Uh oh.

 

I sighed. It's inevitable. 

 

Nothing I can do about it. I shrugged.

 

I grabbed a towel, went out of the room, and casually walked to the washroom. As I entered, I saw that the basin was already filled with water — 

 

— Huh?

 

— It was filled with  _ warm _ water... 

 

Did he prepare it for me? Did he warm the cold water I usually washed with? Seriously? Did he go out of his way to do this for me? 

 

I couldn't stop the smile that was starting to spread across my face, so I just plopped down on the stool and dunked my head into the water, trying to wash away all the thoughts and feelings I had.

 

When I washed my hair and face, I dried off with the towel and walked out of the washroom with the towel slung over my shoulders. 

 

— That was when I saw them.

 

— Luhan and Zhongdae.

 

They were right outside the door. 

 

Waiting for me...

 

They stood in front of me, both arms crossed over their chests, and having speculating looks plastered on their faces. They've cornered me. 

 

"Uh... Hi, guys... Good morning," I started, trying to break the ice. It was as if I had to thaw through their cold stares.

Luhan spoke first — and I knew almost immediately what topic was gonna come out of his mouth. “Zitao, do you have feelings for Yifan?"

 

Uhm, how do I answer? What's the correct answer? My true feelings or what they want to hear? What is it that they even want to hear? "I — uh..."

 

"Yes or no?" Zhongdae interrogated.

 

"It's too early in the morning for this, you guys..." I tried.

 

They only shot me more looks.

 

What do I say? It’s a yes, but at the same time, a no. "Maybe...?"

 

The expressions on their faces changed and softened. Of course, they would automatically take an unsure answer as a yes. [facepalm] 

 

"What's holding you back? Is it because you think he's not serious about it or something?" Zhongdae asked, looking more sincere than he has ever been.

 

"No, it's not that..." I said, a little unsurely, because this was dangerous territory I was treading. I was still unsure of what to say to them. 

 

Luhan began, "Tao, Yifan has never ever ever ever—"

 

"We get it," Zhongdae cut in.

 

"— ever ever ever ever liked anyone before. He has never looked at anyone's way, furthermore told them he has feelings for them. And that's amazing considering all the concubines trying to get in his pants when he goes to celebrate with his friends or something."

 

“Yeah, Yifan's serious about you," Zhongdae echoed.

 

"I mean, it’s not only that. He's an aristocrat, and I’m just a servant. A peasant."

 

Jongdae spluttered. "Who cares?! We approve, and we're pretty much the only people in this house that are important."

 

“Pft, no offense to the other workers," Luhan added, insincerely.

 

“Did he send you guys?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at them. He would be a coward if he told them to ask me these questions and not do it himself.

 

"HAHAHAHA," Zhongdae genuinely laughed, slapping his knees. "Good one! Lover boy is crying in his drawing room—"

 

"Zhongdae," Luhan cut in sharply.

 

"Okay, okay, he's in his drawing room, writing a long-ass letter to his father, asking if everything is okay. But he's probably doing that just to lock himself in there with an excuse to avoid you."

 

"So we're just gonna do him a favor... Because we know you have feelings for him," Luhan plainly said. I opened my mouth to protest, but he interrupted me right away. "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT DENYING IT."

 

My shoulders slumped a little, and my resignation was their victory. Luhan and Zhongdae smirked at each other and I knew it was game over. 

 

"Alright, what we want you to do, is go up to him _ right now _ and tell him your feelings," Zhongdae urged me.

 

"Easier said than done," I muttered, but they heard me.

 

"No excuses," they both said at the same time. "Now go on." They both grabbed hold of each of my arms and pulled and pushed me towards the direction of the art room.

 

I was now in front of the door, with the two lackeys behind me. I turned around once more, and gave them an unsure look, only to have them nod at me and give me two thumbs up. 

 

I turned back towards the door and sighed. Just before I was about to knock, the door was pulled back and my fist met Yifan's face.

 

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

"..."

 

"I'M DEAD," Zhongdae shouted while laughing hysterically. "LUHAN DID YOU SEE THAT!!" he yelled at the other laughing lackey, while pointing at the scholar who was now holding his nose. 

 

"I am SO sorry," I tried to apologize, but Yifan shook his head, and tried to motion it was okay while still holding his nose with one hand. 

 

"It's okay, it's okay... But how hard do you have to knock?" 

 

Luhan and Zhongdae burst into another fit of laughter, before Yifan let go of his nose and grabbed both of them by the back of their shirts. 

 

— That got them to stop laughing.

 

"I came out to tell you that I'm going to my father's house. So be good and watch the house while I'm gone." 

 

"Wait, you don't want us to come with you?"

 

"Nope, just watch the house and make sure everyone is okay."

 

"Weren't you just writing a letter to him in there? Just ask a servant to deliver it to him for you."

 

"... No, I want to personally hand it to him."

 

"Then what was the point of writing the letter if you're gonna go see him?!"

 

"Writing the letter and then seeing him open it personally will be more meaningful and special."

 

Luhan and Zhongdae smacked their heads because they were suffering secondhand embarrassment from Yifan's dumb excuses. 

 

— Stupid scholar. [pout]

 

So he's going to his father's house? That's probably gonna take the whole day...

 

"Wait, Yifan, I have to talk to you—" I started.

 

"Nope, gotta go, bye-bye," he cut me off right away. He pushed past everyone and made his way out the door, yelling at some of the servants to get his horse ready. 

 

I must have looked a little dejected, because Luhan patted my back and Zhongdae said, "Hey, don't worry about it. He probably saw you outside the door and was scared you're gonna reject him. So he just ran away with going to his father's house as an excuse to get his heart ready for rejection."

 

"You can use this time to think about what you're gonna say to him," Luhan added.

 

"Or I can use the time to rethink my decision and end up rejecting him..." I said.

 

"NO!!!" They screamed in unison.

 

"I'm joking," I told them. "We'll see..." 

 

They still looked a little uneasy, which made me think, ‘Wow, what is the big deal whether or not I accept Yifan’s feelings?’ I walked away from them and walked across the courtyard to the room in the servant quarters where my brother was staying.

 

I banged on the door. “Wake up, Baozi!” 

 

“wHu,” I heard from behind the door. 

 

Not caring about whether or not he got up or if he was even changing, I opened the door and stepped inside. Of course, he was still sleeping, making incoherent noises about not wanting to get up yet. I took the edge of his sheets and yanked it up, effectively flipping him over. 

 

— That got him to wake up.

 

“ZITAO!!!!”

 

“Sorry, ge, time to wake up,” I shrugged. “Aaaaaand, I need your help.” 

 

Xiumin stopped stretching his arms and looked at me; he seemed fully awake now. “Hmm? Help with what?” 

 

I took a seat next to him on his sheets and looked at him before coming up with an excuse. “With this story that I heard; I was only told half of it. Apparently, I need to make the wisest decision for how it’s supposed to end.”

 

My brother looked at me weirdly and asked, “Is this for some kind of competition?”

 

“Uh, sort of…” 

 

“Do you win some kind of prize?” I shot him a look. “Sorry. Continue.”

 

“Alright, so a prince goes to the market and buys a slave… He brings him — I mean, her — back to the palace. She serves him and follows his every command. Eventually, the prince falls in love with the slave and confesses to her. However, she fears how society will look at her and does not answer the prince. She doesn’t want to be seen as a fox who seduced the prince, and she feels she doesn’t deserve his love because he’s of a higher class. So, ge, what should she do?”

 

Xiumin looked deep in thought as I anxiously waited for him to think of an answer. He didn’t keep me waiting for long because he soon asked, “She loves him back though, right?” 

 

I blinked back at him in surprise. “Hm, yeah, I guess. You could say that…” 

 

“So what is the problem? Their love can overpower the judgmental eyes of society.”

 

“It’s not that easy…” 

 

“If they really loved each other, they wouldn’t care what other people said them.”

 

“Okay… what about the feeling of inferiority the slave feels, compared to the prince? Doesn’t he deserve a princess? Shouldn’t she also look for someone of her own class?” 

 

Xiumin sighed. “Taozi, don’t you remember the story that our mom used to tell us? Yeh-shen and the magic fish?” 

 

— I thought for a second.

 

— Oh, yeah… that old folktale…

 

“Yeh-shen was a poor girl, living in a  _ cave _ , but she went out to the festival  _ anyway _ and fell in love with king. The king fell in love with her too, and her poverty didn’t stop him from loving her.” 

 

“It almost did,” I muttered.

 

“The moral of the story is that Yeh-shen and the king found true love despite their class differences, so your story can end the same way. Make it a happy ending, Taozi!! I’m sure you will win a huge prize if you end it well!!” Xiumin said, enthusiastically. 

 

I thought about it. Yeah, who cared about what the other people of the house thought? And if Yifan really accepts me for who I am, and not as a lowly peasant, then I should accept his feelings for me, too. 

 

I smiled. “Alright, ge. Thanks. You really helped a lot,” I said, getting up. “You should get up soon, breakfast is probably waiting for you.” 

 

Xiumin groaned. “I prefer sleep over food…” 

 

“Whatever you say,” I told him, walking outside and closing his door. 

  
  
  


Yifan came home at sundown. 

 

When I heard the hooves and neighing of a horse and orders being given to the servants, my heart beat faster. I was nervous!!

 

I came out straight away to go meet him.

 

Scholar Yifan looked professional and authoritative; he was ordering the servants to put away his horse and prepare the dinner table while walking towards the house. 

 

Then he saw me waiting for him.

 

I gave him a smile. "Hi, Yifan."

 

His scholar facade went crumbling down.

 

"Hahaha, Zitao," he laughed nervously, cowering a little. "Whatttt are youu doinn’ out here??" 

 

"I have something to s—"

 

"Iiiiiiiiiiii just remembered that I have somewhere else to go," Yifan bluffed, turning to scurry the other way.

 

"Hey, no you don't," I exclaimed and grabbed his arm, "You literally  _ just _ got home. Stop running away."

 

"I'm not running away," he spluttered, indignantly.

 

"Okay, then let's talk. I have something to say."

 

I saw his shoulders slump in defeat. "Alright, we can go somewhere private," he suggested, frowning.

 

He led me inside the house and into the art room and closed the door. His expression looked kind of glum, and I could see in his face the answer he was expecting. He seemed to have accepted his fate already. When he turned around from the door, the first thing he asked was, “You’re probably going to tell me that I should forget my feelings for you, right?” He asked this with his eyes trained on the ground, head looking down.

 

Then he looked up at me, face full of determination. “But I’m not going to! My feelings for you are too strong. I really like you, and I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfor— Why are you smiling like that?”

 

I nearly laughed. “You know, as a scholar, you should know that it’s not always safe to make assumptions.” 

 

“Hmm?” His eyes filled with genuine confusion. When he saw that I only smiled wider, realization spread across his face. “You're accepting my feelings?” 

 

I nodded. 

 

A wide grin took its place on his lips and he grabbed me and wrapped me into a hug. “Thank you, thank you so much, Zitao.” He held onto me for a few more seconds, and a cherished every moment of it until —

 

_ BANG!! _

 

Yifan immediately tore away from me and turned around toward the source of the sound. In the doorway stood Zhongdae and Luhan, the loud noise coming from probably Zhongdae throwing the door open. 

 

“Luhan, they were hugging!! I TOLD YOU!! Cough up the money.” 

 

“What money?” I broke in, looking at the exchange between the two lackeys. Zhongdae had a smug look on his face, and Luhan had a sour look of discontent. 

 

“I knew I could have faith in you, Zitao! You are my apprentice, of course I'd know what decision you'd make best!!"

 

Luhan was still pouting. "I'll pay you later." 

 

"Pay later for  _ what _ ?" Yifan asked sternly.

 

"Zhongdae and I made a bet about whether or not Tao would accept your feelings," Luhan sulked, "and since he did—"

 

"Tao did what?!" Another voice sounded throughout the room. We all turned towards the door and saw my older brother marching in. "Wait?! So, Tao, the story you told when you came into my room was about this, wasn't it?" 

 

I nodded, nervously.

 

Xiumin looked like he was going to burst. I couldn't tell if he wanted to explode, or faint, or cry. After a few moments he asked, "So... There's no prize?"

 

I facepalmed. "Ge, there was no storytelling contest in the first place." I apologized and Xiumin looked more disappointed than anything. My happiness < storytelling prize. (-_-)

 

"Alright, Luhan continue," Yifan ordered.

 

"I said Zitao wouldn't, since he was showing some doubt this morning, so—"

 

"—that means that  _ I _ WON." Zhongdae interrupted, continuing to make fun of Luhan in front of his face.

 

Luhan stared on as Zhongdae continued to taunt him, and then turned to Yifan with a straight face. "Zhongdae called you lover boy in front of Zitao," he tattled.

 

Zhongdae stopped in his tracks, and his surprised face morphed into a glare as he looked at Luhan. Yifan gave Zhongdae a long stare before the final verdict came out of his mouth.

 

"You're fired."

 

"What the hell, man?!" Zhongdae shrieked at Luhan who just shrugged.

 

"Get out," Yifan commanded, pointing towards the door. 

 

"Wait, Yifan, hahaha, let's be logical here..." 

 

"Goodbye." 

 

Yifan grabbed Zhongdae, lifted him up and pushed him out the door, quickly shutting it before the lackey could come back in. 

 

"Yifan, that's a little..."

 

"Shh," he shushed me, putting his index finger to his lips. "I'm just gonna mess with him for now, but he doesn't need to know that." 

 

Luhan was busy snickering in the back, while I just grinned at how much fun Yifan was having. Zhongdae could be heard all over the house's courtyard yelling for someone to let him in.


	10. 安静 [Yifan]

"That was mean," Zhongdae pouted at me. I let out a little laugh because he looked like a child who was being stubborn. 

 

"At least he didn't pretend to drag you into town to be pulled apart by oxen," Luhan chimed in, earning a glare from the other.

 

“Yeah, sitting outside throughout the night is a fair trade with having your limbs ripped off, eh?” I teased, nudging a steaming Zhongdae. The smaller only huffed and shoved me away. 

 

“After all I’ve done for you,” Zhongdae said, dramatically. “I helped you win Zitao’s love, and this is how you repay me,” he sobbed, raising his nose in the air. 

 

“You’ve done nothing, it was all me,” Luhan quipped. 

 

It was morning, and I had decided to let Zhongdae back into the house after a couple of hours. His staying out there all night, sitting in front of the gate, made me realize how loyal he was and what a true friend he was. I’ll probably formally apologize to him later, but for now he needs to understand that he didn’t have to call me “lover boy” in front of Zitao (-_-). 

 

“So if you guys are together, what are you doing right now? Why aren’t you with him?” Zhongdae asked. 

 

“I spent the whole night with him, I don’t need to see him every waking moment of the day.”

 

“RIGHT! YOU SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT WITH HIM, HUH? DOING WHAT, EH?” Zhongdae teased again, and at this point, Luhan facepalmed because of how done he was with the other lackey. 

 

“Sleeping. Like any other night,” I bluntly told him, not giving him any satisfaction.

 

“You’re boring,” Zhongdae huffed.

 

“Well, you didn’t hear anything loud last night, am I right?” 

 

“GROSS, I’M LEAVING,” Luhan shouted out, walking away from the two of us and out of the room. 

 

“Yeah, Wufan, you’re a scholar, act like one, geez,” Zhongdae trolled, as he got up and left the room, too. Ah, these two. 

  
  
  


It was night, and Zitao and I were lying down on the ground outside, after the his wushu practice. It was just like the night we had sat down and stared at the night sky, and Zitao had made fun of my admiration for the galaxy. 

 

— The atmosphere was different, too.

 

That night, there was a little discomfort and lingering and unsure feelings floating about, but this night was a night that was all ours. There were no more barriers between us and we could freely express anything we wanted with each other. 

 

That night, I was frantically searching my head for topics to talk about with him. Tonight, even silence shared between us was calming and comfortable. That night, I was trying to win his trust and friendship. This night, I had already won Zitao’s heart.

 

My arm was underneath Zitao’s neck, since lately at night, he liked using it as a pillow. My arm would always be sore the next morning, since I’m not able to move my arm the whole night without waking my lover, but still, I lay out my arm every night without fail. 

It was during this moment that I wish we could fall asleep, lying underneath the stars. It’s a beautiful night and it was just the two of us. Luhan and Zhongdae had the decency of leaving the two of us alone for the past few hours, and I was really grateful for that.

 

“Yifan?”

 

“Mmm?”

 

“You made me your body guard to keep me closer to you, right? Not because you’d rather have me take an arrow in the back instead of you?”

 

“Yeah… How’d you know?”  

 

“Nothing, I was just thinking about it. I would take an arrow for you, though.” 

 

— My heart soared. 

 

Knowing that Zitao's returned feelings were strong enough for him to want to keep me safe as well made me feel warm and protected. My love for him would never allow him to do that, though.

 

“You know I wouldn’t let you do that. I’d rather let myself get hurt, rather than see you injured in any way…” I avowed with a slight sigh.

 

"Then... Let's both just not get injured," Zitao quipped happily. "It would be nice to live a long and peaceful life with you. Hopefully this revolution ends quickly."

 

I nodded and hummed in agreement.

 

I thought about a life with Zitao. It was definitely something I could picture. We could stay together as a family with Luhan, Zhongdae, and Xiumin. He would wake me up everyday, and we'd go to sleep together every night. Him always being beside me, holding me, protecting me, loving me... 

 

— It made me really happy.

 

Zitao interrupted my thoughts. “Lately, I’ve been craving peaches. When the revolution’s over, I can walk back into town, right?” Him asking this question made me question just how much he missed being there. 

 

“Mhmm.” Well, whatever is left of it.

 

“You’ll come with me, right? We can stroll through the market and holding hands, and buying all the food we want.” 

 

“Yeah, that sounds great,” I said truthfully. 

 

“It’s a plan, okay? It’s the first thing we’ll do after the revolution is over. As soon as we hear good news, hm?” I nodded my head and smiled, thinking of the time where things will look up for everyone.

 

Zitao suddenly sat up and I whined at the lost of warmth from my arm, where his head used to be. He only laughed and scolded me, “Come on, you lazy butt. Let’s get ready for bed.” He stood up, as did I, and he started walking toward the house.

 

“Wait, Zitao,” I called out.

 

“Huh?” 

 

He turned around and it was like a thunderbolt came out of nowhere and struck me in the head; I was stunned momentarily. Zitao was beautiful; was it because he’s under the stars, with the faint moonlight glazing over his smooth skin? Or was it the soft, warm light that came from the house lanterns that illuminated his sharp, clean-cut features?

 

Zitao was beautiful and I couldn’t help myself. 

 

I wasn’t thinking when I walked over to him and took his face into my hands. My mind wasn’t processing the exact moment when my lips met his, but instead I could feel the passion and love I was conveying into the kiss. My heart was rushing with adrenaline and I could feel Zitao kiss me back, wrapping his arms around my neck. I was in the moment, and I wanted time to stop.

 

When I finally pulled away, Zitao’s eyes were still closed, but when he opened them, he saw me smiling. “What was that for?” he asked endearingly.

 

“Nothing, I just really wanted to do that,” I replied. I took his hand in mine and we walked into the house together.

 

After we got ready to sleep, we were lying on our backs in bed together, his head on my arm again. I wanted to sleep closer to him, I wanted to put my arms around him. Just as if he heard my thoughts, Zitao turned on his side towards me and wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head in my chest. 

 

— I was so grateful for this man in my life. 

 

I wrapped the arm that was underneath him around his head and gently stroked his hair. Zitao bent his head to look up at me, eyes sparkling with love and appreciation. I smiled and kissed his forehead. “Sleep. Goodnight, love.”

  
  
  


One day, Zitao thought it would be great if he could have some sort of basic education. Even though I told him he didn’t have to, he still wanted to learn. “You can’t be seen around with someone as stupid as me,” he had said. I retorted saying it didn’t matter, but he continued, “I at least want to have some kind of formal education.” 

 

So here we were, sitting in our room, at a desk. I was sitting beside him, watching him solve some basic math problems.

 

"You have to carry over the one if the numbers add up to more than 10."

"Easy for you to say,” Zitao scoffed. “You've been studying this, while I virtually have no education. Stupid scholar," he muttered the last part under his breath.

 

"This is simple math!!" 

 

"Hey!! Maybe simple to you!!"

 

"It's not simple for me, I'll have you know this is the most advanced math in our time," I boasted.

 

Zitao looked dumbfounded. My bragging must not have impressed him. 

 

"... You just called it simple math."

 

I decided to play dumb. "When did I?"

 

“Aish, screw this,” Zitao messed up his hair out of frustration. “I’ll do this later. I’m going to go cook something up,” he told me, as he got up.

 

I moved aside Zitao’s math work and set out my own daily journal. It was a way my father taught me to practice writing characters everyday. I took out a brush and set out the ink nearby. Then I began writing. 

 

不久，我打算跟黄子韬一起去樱花路径。我会坦白我的爱。他要是不爱我怎么办? 如果我翻悔，我就是懦夫。我可以求助于 金 鍾大和鹿晗。我可以做—

 

“Yifan!! What do you want to eat? Sweet and sour pork?” 

 

— 糖醋里脊… 

 

I looked over at what I just wrote.  

 

“我可以做糖醋里脊”

 

It didn’t even make sense. “Hey, I wrote sweet and sour pork down…” I marvelled aloud. Marvel turned into incredulity. “ZITAO! YOU MADE ME WRITE—” I shouted while scrambling up to go to the kitchen. 

  
  
  


It was nearing the end of summer, and I knew I had to take Zitao before the leaves started falling. When I went to look for him, I found him sitting outside of the house with his brother by his side. They seemed at peace, talking to each other about little things, and looking at the sky. I was almost sorry for interrupting their brotherly moment. 

 

“Ready to go?” I asked, and Zitao and Xiumin both turned around at my intrusion. Xiumin’s face softened with understanding, and I’m not sure at what, but he seemed to take on a resigned look. It made me wonder what they were talking about before I arrived.

 

Zitao, on the other hand, smiled widely. “Thanks, Xiumin-ge,” he said, as he got up. He came over to me and hooked his arm through mine. “Let’s go!” 

 

It was the opposite direction from the village, a place that no one bothered to go to because of work and the distance that had to be traveled to reach it. I had discovered it one summer day, sometime around last year before I bumped into Zitao. When I was still free after examinations and before government duty, I had taken my horse out for a ride and stumbled upon this beautiful place, a cherry blossom path. 

 

Every time I came here, there was no one else here. It made me think I was the only one who knew of this place, or at least the only one who bothered to continue coming. I was confused, because this place was too good to be true, a place which I could come to whenever I wanted to think about something or feel at ease.

 

When I had feelings for Zitao, I knew this was the first place I had to take him. To be honest, I was going to confess to him here, but because of desperate measures, I confessed at a time that was inconvenient and unplanned.

 

“Are we there yet?” Zitao whined, since I opted not to take the horse.

 

“Soon, love; trust me, it’ll be all worth it.” 

 

— And I was right. When Zitao saw it, he fell in love with it almost immediately.

 

“Wahhh~ Yifan, this is so pretty! I’ve never known this kind of place existed!!” He turned around and gave me such a blinding smile, it actually took my breath away for a moment. 

 

Without a doubt, I inevitably returned a smile back to him. "I'm glad I took you here then. The only things you should see in life are the most beautiful things. Those are the only things worthy of being seen by eyes as pretty as yours."

 

I saw Zitao blush before he turned back around, probably so I wouldn’t see his face turn red. It was really cute. 

 

I just walked up next to him and took his hand in mine. Although his was still red, I only smiled at him and started walking. Together we walked hand in hand down the cherry blossom path.

 

Halfway through, Zitao leaned his head on my shoulder. “Yifan, when did you first fall in love with me?” 

 

“Hmm…” I racked my brain. I replayed all my memories until the first moment when I bumped into him. 

 

— That was it.

 

“When I first met you.” 

 

Zitao turned to me astonished. “Love at first sight?” 

 

“Not quite. You are not a looker you know,” I joked, earning an elbow to my rib. “Ow, Zitao, I was just joking, but it wasn’t love at first sight. It was probably because you spoke back to me.”

 

“You fell in love with me because I had a backbone and wouldn’t take any of your shit?” he asked me, disbelief written all over his face. 

 

“Yeah, you could say that. If you had just lowered down your gaze, apologized, and walked away, you wouldn’t have been very special. I probably would have never looked your way again.” 

 

“Oh, yeah, you just kept coming back and coming back,” Zitao muttered.

 

“Of course I had to; it’s because I liked you too much.”

 

He laughed and released his hand from mine. He walked ahead, his head tilted back and arms spread wide to feel the sun shining through the trees. The scent of the cherry blossoms drowned his senses and had a calming effect. Seeing Zitao at peace made me feel at peace with myself as well. 

 

Before I could keep walking, I felt as if I needed to say something. Something really important. I needed to get it off my chest, since his heart was literally screaming it out. I stopped walking, and Zitao turned around and noticed.

 

"Huang Zitao?"

 

"Yes, Yifan?" he answered.

 

"I love you."


	11. 攻击 [Zitao]

Waking up to Yifan beside me every morning was a very fleeting, unreal feeling. I still feel as if I would wake up one day in my old house back in the village, on my straw mat, and immediately get up to do some chores. However, I know it’s real when I feel Yifan’s arm underneath my head and the heat that radiates from his body and warms me up inside, no matter how cold the season gets.

 

On this particular morning, I see Yifan is already awake by the time I open my eyes. 

 

“Morning, love,” Yifan greets, smiling cheekily at me.

 

Still a little sleepy, I close my eyes to get rid of that droopy feeling, but still give him a big smile back. I still wanted to sleep, so I just wrapped my arms around him and kept my eyes closed.

 

He laughed. “Zitao, we should get up. It’s almost afternoon.” 

 

“You’re lying.”

 

I continued to feel vibrations from his body as he laughed again. “I’m not! The sun is midway through the sky!” 

 

“We don’t need to get up, we have nothing to do anyway,” I whined against his chest. 

 

Yifan pulled me up to a sitting position, prompting me to open my eyes to glare at him. He ruffled my hair as I yawned.

 

“Tch, cover your mouth when you yawn, your breath stinks.” 

 

My eyes shot wide open, awake on defense. “Hey, I just woke up!! Your breath stinks, too!!”

 

“Oh, good, you’re awake now, let’s get up now,” he teased, getting up. I groaned and followed him to the washroom where we washed up and got ready for the day.

 

Yifan is usually busy from mid-morning to afternoon on most days, so I just hang around with Zhongdae and Luhan. However, recently Luhan has been disappearing only to come back from late afternoon to early evening. I haven’t gotten a chance to ask him yet, but I could probably find out from Zhongdae.

 

“Hey Zhongdae, where’s Luhan? I haven’t seen him around lately.”

 

Zhongdae looked up from the broom he was sweeping the grounds with as soon as he heard me call to him. “Luhan? Oh, uh, he goes to the village.” 

 

“The village? Why? Isn’t it dangerous?” I asked, panicking a little. The last thing I’d want is for something to happen to Luhan. 

 

“To see his beloved Shixun. After the whole set-fire-to-the-village thingy, they’ve been inseparable. I bet Luhan confessed to him, being completely grateful that Shixun didn’t die in that fire. He probably realized they have no time to waste not being together,” Zhongdae snorted.

 

“What? That’s great!! I’m so happy for him!!” I squealed, excited for my friend. I’ve seen Luhan and his crush on the magistrate. Whenever I see Luhan, I feel bad for punching Shixun in the face a couple of times because of that huge misunderstanding. Luhan doesn’t have to know about that though.

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Zhongdae replied, going back to sweeping. “How’s you and lover boy? You two are also inseparable.” 

 

“We’re good, it’s all thanks to Xiumin though.”

 

“What? How so?” Zhongdae asked, a puzzled expression spreading across his face. 

 

Zhongdae is a close friend; I can tell him anything. Even though he is a loud prankster and he loves to joke around, he knows when to keep things buried in his heart. 

 

“My brother is the one who convinced me to accept my feelings for Yifan.” 

 

“Eh?!” Zhongdae jumped back with shock. 

 

“Mhm, he reminded me about the story of Yeh-shen. The day Yifan took me to the cherry blossom path, I was unsure about my feelings again. ‘What if Yifan stopped liking me?’ ‘What if I ended up getting hurt by him?’ ‘How much do I like him that I would get hurt for him?’ I asked questions like that, but he helped me.” 

 

“Tao…” 

 

“I’m okay now. I won’t let my feelings for Yifan ever die, even if he loses his interest in me.”

 

I had an unwavering and dauntless look on my face, and I haven’t even noticed that I held out an upright fist to cheer myself on. I watched as Zhongdae lowered down his head, and looked at the ground.

 

Then I saw him smile.

 

He looked up at me and said, “Zitao, you have nothing to worry about. Yifan will always love you.” 

 

I was a little taken aback at how he’d told me so bluntly, but I smiled back. It was really comforting hearing reassurance from a friend. My thoughts were interrupted by the voice that makes my heart flutter and constantly rings in my head.

 

“Of course I will, I even told him that day.” 

 

I turned around to see Yifan walking down the steps of the house and towards us. Zhongdae panicked and dropped the broom. “Eh?! You confessed your love to him already?!” 

 

Yifan gave a prompt nod. 

 

“AND WHAT DID ZITAO SAY?!?!” 

 

“That’s something for you not to worry about,” Yifan snickered at Jongdae shouting gibberish as he put his hands on my shoulders and dragged me away.

 

“I thought you were busy?” I asked, turning my head around to get a glimpse of him. He somehow managed to push me up the stairs and into one of the houses.

 

“There’s a difference between someone who has time for you and someone who makes time for you,” Yifan smiled. 

 

“And you didn’t let Zhongdae know my reply,” I continued.

 

Yifan abruptly stopped pushing me and let go of my shoulders. I turned around to see him just standing, hanging his head and looking down at the floor. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint Zhongdae upon hearing about my rejection.”

 

I felt bad. 

 

I couldn’t say “I love you” to Yifan just yet. I still needed time to say it at the right moment.

 

“It’s not really a rejec—” 

 

Yifan looked up at me with determined eyes. “But it’s okay, because I will wait. I’m positive I can get you to become more confident in your feelings for me.” 

  
  
  


After the whole fire incident, I made Yifan promise to tell me if he hears any news that comes from the village. Not wanting to make the same mistake ever again, he agreed to let me know anything and everything that happens. He didn’t want to see me angry at him.

 

— He’s learned his lesson well!!!

 

Yifan has done nothing but care for me; whatever I wanted, he would do it for me. Now that I think about it more, I seem a little ungrateful for always requesting things from him and never being able to give back. 

 

How can I not tell him that I love him?  

 

Even though to him it seems like I don’t, he still patiently waits for me. He’s gentle and kind, although he’s a little stupid sometimes, but it’s what makes him who he is. He hasn’t forced me to say or do something that I didn’t want to.

 

I want to tell him my love for him.

 

I resolved to asking Luhan and Zhongdae to help me with my confession. It has to be meaningful. It has to be special and memorable.

 

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a shout outside. It didn't seem like any of the servants; in fact, they would be punished if they disrupted the whole house (the only exception was Zhongdae with his loud voice and screaming). I gathered my thoughts and stood up, walking outside to see what was going on.

 

The closer I got to outside, the louder the shouts became. When I stepped out the door, I was shocked to see what was going on. A crowd consisting of the people from town was standing in the courtyard of Yifan’s property — most people were holding all sorts of weapons ranging from swords, sticks, and knives. 

 

“Jin Xiumin!!!!!” they all chanted, brandishing their weapons. “Jin Xiumin!!!!!”

 

My eyes widened with fear when I realized the name they were calling. What had my brother done? Why were they waving their weapons as if threatening him? 

 

I prayed that he would have the sense not to come out, but my prayers were not answered when he stepped out of his room. 

 

The crowd cornered him and backed him against the entrance to his room. 

 

“What is going on? What are you all here for?” Xiumin asked. “Why have you brought weapons?”

 

“Jin Xiumin, you are supposed to be dead!” a single voice cried out. “YEAH!!!!!!!” the crowd roared in agreement.

 

“What?” My brother looked genuinely shocked for a moment.

 

“Your house was set on fire and you were presumed dead for a while. However, witnesses saw you in the market the other day.”

 

“How is that a problem?” my brother asked.

 

I was going to say something, but a hand clamped over my mouth. I struggled to get out of the grip, but I caught a glimpse of Luhan being the one pinning me down to silence. Zhongdae showed up in front of me, putting a finger to his lips, noiselessly telling me to keep quiet.

 

I stopped struggling. 

 

And they let me go.

 

“Even if you made it out alive, you would have no place to live. Yet, you choose to come to a noble’s house, leeching off of his wealth and property while the rest of us suffer. You are a traitor!!” 

 

“YEAHHH!!! Grab him!!” The crowd yelled as they started to move towards my brother.

 

“Stop! He is not a traitor, he is my servant.”

 

My heart leaped with relief when I saw who had spoken up. The crowd stopped when they saw the scholar halting them with his hand held out. Of course, Yifan would have a say in this!

 

Yifan walked up next to Xiumin. “Jin Xiumin is part of my servant staff, while you peasants have no right of entry to my house. Who let you all barge in here?” 

 

The crowd remained silent for a moment, but then a man stepped forward. A man I could recognize easily.

 

“Ah, Scholar Wu, but I recall you buying this man’s freedom, not buying him into slavery.” 

 

— My blood ran cold. 

 

— This man was the merchant who sold us. 

 

“Therefore, you are lying and you should be killed for perjury,” the merchant sleazily said. As Yifan glared at him, the crowd started murmuring and nodding their heads in agreement; I wanted to slap the smirk off of the merchant’s face. Nothing could ever prepare me for what happened next. 

 

“Seize him.”

 

The crowd started shouting once more and their formation started imploding towards Yifan. I panicked, grabbing my wushu stick that was nearby, and ran towards the front of the crowd, despite Luhan and Zhongdae’s shrill protests. My concentration on my desire to protect Yifan blocked out all voices; I couldn’t hear them. 

 

— I had to reach Yifan.

 

The people at the back of the crowd were taken aback and stunned when I pushed them out of the way — they had absolutely no reaction time and could not respond immediately. The people at the front of the crowd had already grabbed ahold of Yifan, as I was pushing and shoving my way towards the scholar. 

 

Then, something held me back. 

 

Someone had grabbed my shoulder. Without looking back, I elbowed the perpetrator and I felt the grip loosen. 

 

I could see Yifan and my brother now. Xiumin was standing in the corner, shrinking back in fear, as multiple people grabbed Yifan’s arms to prevent him from escaping. He was struggling and thrashing, but there were too many people coming onto him.

 

“ZITAO!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He yelled, as soon as he saw me.

 

That was when I felt multiple people’s hands on my arms trying to keep me from getting any closer to the scholar. I struggled, kicked, and punched until I was free from any restraint.

 

I was circled, I was trapped.

 

They all wanted to keep me from saving Yifan. 

 

As one yelled, charging at me, I grabbed his outstretched fist and slid my leg to trip him off his feet; he hit his head on the ground. I sensed someone from the back and propelled my leg backwards, effectively kicking that person in the stomach. Spinning my stick around knocked two people out and kept the attackers away for a few given seconds. 

 

Everything went downhill when a villager came at me with a sword. 

 

“ZITAO! NO, GET OUT!” 

 

I didn’t listen. As the man thrusted his sword at me, I quickly dodged and tried to trip him with the stick; he quickly jumped and kicked me down. I was dazed for a moment, but I saw he was going to strike the sword down on me.

 

“NO! LET ME GO!! ZITAO!!” 

 

Immediately, I attempted to block the sword’s blow by holding out my stick, but the sword blew through it, snapping it in half. I screamed out in pain, the sword having struck my left shoulder and slicing the skin open.

 

I kicked the man over and got up; I could still fight using my right hand and legs. 

 

But the blood and the pain was making it hard to concentrate. I felt like passing out.

 

Another man swung his fist at my face, forcing my whole body to turn the other way. Someone kicked me in the stomach, making me stumble back, but I still managed not to fall. I was being tossed around the circle, like a rag doll. Back and forth, I suffered blows to my body, unable to retaliate. 

 

Suddenly, I gasped as I felt an excruciating pain stab the right side of my body. I started shaking uncontrollably from the pain and slowly turned to see what was putting me through this agony. A man gave me a nasty smile, as he pulled the knife back out from my abdomen, making me cry out again. 

 

I couldn’t breathe. 

 

I stood there, holding the place where it hurt most. 

 

I saw Zhongdae and Luhan, lunging themselves onto the people that were dragging away their master, hitting their backs with their fists and yelling, only to be thrown back to the ground. I saw Xiumin, frozen, hiding with the rest of the servants, keeping himself from all the chaos. I saw Yifan, who was no longer struggling, crying, as his eyes of shock and fear bore into mine.

 

I had ran into the crowd recklessly.

 

I didn’t even get to reach Yifan.

 

I failed my job as his bodyguard, as his protector.

 

I never even had the chance to tell him how much I love him.

 

I felt a powerful force bash my head, as the thick stick of one of the villagers met the back of my head. I tried to stand still, but I felt like everything was spinning. I felt blood starting to drip down my neck, until I couldn’t stand up straight anymore. I fell to the ground and blacked out.

  
  
  


I woke up with a splitting headache. I tried to register where I was, but everything was too bright. I then attempted to sit up, but ended up groaning and clutching my head while lying back down. Not only my head was aching, in fact, my whole body was sore. There was a particular stabbing pain on my right side and left shoulder.

 

“Zitao!! You’re awake!!” Luhan shouted as he and Zhongdae rushed over to my side. 

 

“Thank goodness,” Zhongdae breathed out. “You’re bloody lucky that those were just weapons from the village. Had they gotten their hands on a noble’s sword, your arm would probably be gone.” 

 

Luhan nodded, “We thought you’d never get up.”

 

I was puzzled. “What? Why? How long was I unconscious?” 

 

Luhan and Zhongdae gave each other a look, while I questioningly continued to gaze at them. Then Luhan turned to me. “You were passed out for three days, Zitao.”

 

“What?”

 

How much can happen in three days? 

 

“We need to tell him,” a sense of urgency was laced into Zhongdae’s voice. “He needs to know immediately.”

 

“He just woke up,” Luhan bit back at Zhongdae, both of them having their own squabble about me as if I were not in the room at all. Zhongdae glared the other lackey down into submission. 

 

“Zitao, Yifan’s been arrested while you were unconscious. I don’t know if you remember what happened before you got knocked out, but he lied to the crowd for the sake of your brother.” 

 

Xiumin.

 

Where’s Xiumin?

 

Apparently, the fear and panic was written all over my face. “Don’t worry about Xiumin, he’s outside. He can’t eat or sleep, and he’s not talking to anyone. He feels exceptionally guilty about all of this is because Yifan defended him.” 

 

“I don’t understand. Yifan’s only been arrested; he could just be found not guilty. It’s not as if he swore under Confucius’s teachings that Xiumin was his servant. Or that he lied in front of Ruler Du.” 

 

“Zitao…” Zhongdae started in a quiet voice.

 

“There won’t be a trial for him,” Luhan cut in. “Yifan’s been sentenced to death.”


	12. 结束 [Yifan]

These past few days have been plaguing me. 

 

I need to know if Zitao is alright.

 

Zhongdae and Luhan have visited me for the past three days; today, they haven’t visited me so far. Has Zitao woken up yet? 

 

I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he never woke up again.

 

I would rather face death and humiliation one hundred times over Zitao dying because of me.

 

These thoughts were the ones that have haunted me for days, and have continued to haunt me for a few more hours; they were then interrupted by the noise of the front gate of this dungeon opening.

 

I thought it would be the guards bringing food, but my low hopes soared.

 

— Zitao rushed over to my cell. 

 

— Zitao was standing in front of me. 

 

“Zitao!!” I shouted out, scrambling to stand up. I clutched the bars in front of me, wishing for them to disappear so that I could embrace him. I wanted to hold him so badly. 

 

“Yifan… I heard…” he gasped out, tears starting to form. 

 

“No no no, love, don’t worry about that, I’m just glad you are okay,” I told him with relief. “Are you in pain?” 

 

“How can you tell me not to worry?! Your execution is tomorrow morning!!” Zitao exclaimed. His voice dropped down, “Yifan, I can knock those guards out in the front. I can retrieve the key from them, and then we can run away together. Okay? So wait here—” he proposed, turning to leave me.

 

My arm shot out to grab him from behind the bars. 

 

He quickly turned around to see why I was gripping him. 

 

“Tao, no,” I told him firmly. 

 

“Wha— what do you mean no?” He looked incredulous. “Yifan, we need to get you out—” 

 

“L-let's not run away. I will only drag death upon you. I want you to live through this godforsaken revolution and continue with your life.”

 

“Y-you’re crazy, you’re crazy if you think I’m going to continue without you,” he said, his voice shaking. “Let me go, so I can get the key.” 

 

“ZITAO, LISTEN TO ME!!!” 

 

He stopped struggling and looked at me with wide, shocked eyes.

 

I took a deep breath. “If we run away, you’re the last person to visit me. You would also be missing from my house. Everyone will know you are the one who took me, they will know we are together. If we get caught, I don’t want to even think about what will happen to you.”

 

“Yifan, that doesn’t matter, it’s at least a chance!!” 

 

“No, if they catch us, they’ll kill you.”

 

“Then, let’s not get caught!!” 

 

“Zitao, I’m not taking any chances on your life,” I told him sternly.

 

“There are no chances for _your_ _life_ if we just stay here!! Yifan, please, let go!!” 

 

“Do you know how selfish you sound right now?” 

 

“How am  _ I  _ being selfish? I just don’t want you to die!!” 

 

“Do you…” I panted out, the terrible feelings rushing back to me. “Do you have any idea how terrified I was when I saw you were stabbed by that villager? Only to be taken away by the ruthless crowd and not be able to do anything or help you? Do you know how I’ve felt, these past few days, hearing from Luhan and Zhongdae that you weren’t awake yet?” 

 

“That’s why I’m saying, we won’t get caught!” 

 

“Have you thought about Xiumin?” 

 

Zitao fell silent.

 

“Have you thought about how you’re going to leave him behind? What about Luhan and Zhongdae when they hear that we are both gone? Don’t even tell me that you are thinking about bringing all of them because you will just drag them into even more danger.”

 

Zitao sniffled, and before I knew it, he was crying. 

 

— It had to be said. 

 

— No matter how painful it was for the both of us.

 

I would rather die alone, than have the ones I love harmed.

 

“It’s not fair…” Zitao trembled, sliding the the bars and slowly sinking down to his knees on the earthy ground. “You don’t deserve to die. I… I don’t want you to die…”

 

I stayed quiet, and only knelt in front of him. 

 

“I… I never even told you that I love you. Yifan, I didn’t want this to be the way that I’d confess to you, not here, not now, but I’ve realized too late that I should have told you at the cherry blossom path. I’ve always loved you and I’m always grateful towards you,” he sobbed hysterically. “I can’t watch you die like this!! I love you so much...” 

 

“Shhh, it’s okay,” I tried to soothe him. 

 

“I love you, Yifan, I love you, I love you, I love you,” he sputtered repeatedly. “You have no idea how much, how much pain I’m in right now.” 

 

He didn’t say anything after that. I let him cry for a few more minutes, until he was only slightly hiccupping.

 

"Hey, hey, think about the happy things alright?"

 

"How can you say that, given the situation we are in right now?"

 

"It is because we are in this situation that I need to say that."

 

“... Okay… happy things like what?” 

 

I racked my brain trying to think of something that will make him laugh. 

 

Ah!

 

“One time, King Junmian’s shihtzu ran away and came across my house. It was a very brave dog, it was able to slip through countless servants. While the servants were eating dinner, Luhan distracted Zhongdae so that the dog could snatch the meat from his plate. Zhongdae ran out screaming and chasing the dog, but ran into the royal guard who came to retrieve the dog."

 

Zitao laughed, but it was a sad laugh. The situation wouldn't allow him to be happy, even for a moment.

 

I noticed. “Haha,” I nervously laughed. “Sorry, I'm not very good at comforting. One time, Luhan cried because of Magistrate Wu Shixun and the only thing I could do was rub his back with a broom.”

 

“Why a broom?”

 

“I didn’t want to be within close proximity to him because he would cling onto me and never let go — Luhan is like that when he cries.” 

 

“I want to cling onto you when I cry,” Zitao whimpered. 

 

“You’re an exception, of course I would let you cling onto me. But I thought you were a panda instead of a koala.” 

 

He looked like he was going to say something, but both our heads turned when we heard the entrance open again. 

 

Magistrate Wu Shixun.

 

With a bowl in his hands.

 

"Shixun, why are you the one bringing my food?" I asked. It was usually the guards outside who threw the food at me; Shixun is a respected authority, which is why I’m surprised he would be doing such a lowly job in the dungeons.

 

"It's the least I can do, Wufan," he looked at me with sad eyes. Then he turned to my lover. "Zitao—"

 

"I'm not leaving."

 

Shixun gave him a sympathetic smile. "I wasn't going to tell you to leave." I saw Zitao's expression soften. The magistrate turned to me. "I'm sorry, your death is unfair, and there's nothing I can do about it. The least I can do is let both of you spend your last moments together. I asked the guards outside to let Zitao stay for as long as he'd like."

 

I gave Shixun a grateful nod as Zitao stuttered out many thank yous.

 

Shixun opened the cell to give me the food and he was about to close it before Zitao stopped him. 

 

"Can-can I go inside?"

 

Shixun looked unsure at first, but then he gave a taut nod and held the door open for him. 

 

Zitao rushed in and slammed into me with a hug, holding me tightly as I embraced him back.

 

"I'm gonna have to lock both of you in here, though," the magistrate announced. When there was no reply from both of us, he turned and promptly left.

 

"I thought I wouldn't be able to hold you again," Zitao whispered into my ear. 

 

I smiled as I stroked his hair with one hand, grateful for this one moment. 

 

“Zitao?” 

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“Tell Xiumin it’s not his fault. I don’t blame him at all. Make sure he eats and sleeps well without guilt weighing down his shoulders. The villagers would have found a way to execute me whether or not they’ve seen him in the village.”

 

He nodded slowly, against my chest.

 

“Also, tell Luhan and Zhongdae thank you for everything. And that I really love them both. They were like brothers to me.”

 

Zitao was drifting off; I could feel him fighting the feeling to stay awake. 

 

“Zitao?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Remember when I said I wanted to go to the galaxy?” 

 

“Mhm,” he replied.

 

“When I die, I’ll watch you from the stars.”

 

_ I will watch you from the stars, and shine my love upon you. I will glow and flare brightly, so that you can always see me. _

 

“Go to sleep, today was tiring for you," I told him.

 

"No," he stubbornly replied. "These are the last few hours I get to spend with you, I'm not gonna waste it on sleeping."

 

"It's the last time you can sleep in my arms though..." 

 

Zitao didn't answer, probably because he was contemplating on what to do, but he fell asleep in no time. 

 

I thought about how cruel fate was; just a week ago, Zitao was lying in my arms, sleeping peacefully in our room, the moonlight shining through the open window. Tonight, we’re both plagued with fear of what is to come, lying down in a dark dungeon cell. 

 

I wanted to continue holding him; I was left with a bitter feeling in my gut as I thought about how I could not show Zitao my love for a whole lifetime — our time together was cut too short. 

 

“I love you, Zitao.” 

 

By the time I was starting to lose consciousness, I could still feel my shirt damp with Zitao's tears.

  
  
  


“Stop! Stop, STOP!! Don’t take him!! Yifan, no, no, NO!!” Zitao shrieked. 

 

I was jerked awake when two pairs of hands roughly took a hold of either side of me and started dragging me out of the cell. 

 

“Don’t take him away!!” I could hear Zitao sobbing behind me. “Stop!!!” 

 

They did not listen and continue hauling me somewhere. I was still groggy from just waking up, but my senses sharpened when I heard a hard slap and a whimper. I used all of my strength to turn my head around and saw Zitao on the floor, someone holding his head to the ground. 

 

“ZITAO!!” I shouted. I looked at the man who was restraining his head to the ground. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING LET HIM GO!!” 

 

Zitao was crying and I couldn’t do anything. I started struggling to get out of the grips of the two guys holding me, and they were starting to have trouble bringing me away. 

 

"Please," I begged, "let me talk to him."

 

They kept dragging me.

 

"Five minutes," I gasped out, "That's all I ask."

 

One of the men holding me looked at the other and promptly nodded. They let go of my arms and pushed me back, making me stumble a little.

 

"Five minutes," one of them grumbled and I rushed over to Zitao. The other man had already backed off, so I hugged Zitao.

 

"Are you okay?" 

 

"I am, I am," Zitao whimpered.

 

"Zitao, don't be afraid, okay? You need to stay strong for me."

 

Zitao nodded and closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face. I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, hoping it was enough to calm him down. 

 

"I love you, and I will love you even after death. Don't forget that," I told him.

 

Zitao nodded and buried his head into my chest; I just held him tighter. 

 

"Five minutes is up," one of the two men announced, as both of them grabbed my arms again and the other man yanked Zitao back. 

 

“愿得一人心，白首不相离。” I shouted to Zitao. “心有灵犀一点通。”

 

Zitao weakly answered back, “有缘千里来相会。”

  
  
  


I was shoved forward, outside of the dungeon and outside to the town square. There was a platform there, where people were publicly tortured or executed. 

 

Three people were already standing there, waiting to be executed before me. They were probably unfairly convicted, too, I thought bitterly. 

 

I was to wait before the steps that led onto the platform, so I could not see anyone I knew in the crowd. I could only see the front, which were people who were cheering for the executions to take place. It made me sick. I tried thinking of other things rather than watching people die before me. 

 

They say when you’re about to die, your life flashes before your own eyes. 

 

I remember when Zitao and I lied down outside, watching the stars. My heart was beating quickly, because I was having a real conversation with him, and he was letting me into his heart without knowing. He had laughed when I told him I wanted to go to the galaxy, but when he saw the stars, he understood why. Lying next to him for the first time made me feel safe and at peace, but at the same time, my heart wanted more. 

 

I remember Zitao’s genuine smile when I had laughed about the prank that he played on me the day after my birthday. I laughed at how horrified he looked and how he had the guts to pull such a prank on me. I remember I haven’t laughed like that in such a long time. Zhongdae’s plan to make my feelings for Zitao go away didn’t work; in fact, it made me fall for him even more. 

 

Worrying about Zitao when he wasn’t at home replayed in my head; when he had gone to the market with Luhan and that dreadful feeling of something happening to him plagued my mind; when he ran off into the village when it was filled with smoke and fire. I told myself I would never forgive myself if something happened to him.

 

Eating together with Zitao also flashed in my mind; I would abandon the long table with dishes lined up on it for Zitao’s cooking any day. Eating alone with my servants watching me was very lonely; it was the way I had eaten while growing up, when my parents were busy all the time. When Zitao would cook for me, and sit down next to me, I felt loved and overwhelmed with warmth. 

 

I would never dream of forgetting that night Zitao had looked so beautiful in the moonlight, how I had the urge to kiss him, and how I went through with it. He smiled at me and asked why I had done it out of nowhere, and I really had no reason other than my love for him. We slept in each others’ arms that night and I had never been happier.

 

I was pulled out of my memories when the guards brought me onto the platform. The three men before me had already been killed. 

 

It was my turn. 

 

The guards roughly handed me over to the executioner; he shoved me to the front of the platform to face the people. I turned to look back at him, waiting for any orders he had for me.

 

“Any last words?” the executioner had the decency to ask. 

 

I faced the crowd and smirked; they were quiet, anticipating what I had to say.

 

“前人栽树，后人乘凉。善有善报，恶有恶报。”

“Each generation will reap what the former has sown. Do good, reap good; do evil, reap evil.”

 

The crowd roared in fury as they lashed out on my insolence. They had understood my implications.

 

“KILL HIM NOW!!” 

 

“SLICE OFF HIS HEAD!!”

 

“DESTROY HIM AND HIS DISRESPECTFUL MOUTH.”

 

The executioner pushed me down onto my knees. The crowd cheered as they saw my impending death. I refused to look weak, and instead, held my head high and did not tremble. 

 

I saw Xiumin in the crowd, looking miserable, and as if he hasn’t eaten or slept for days. I do not blame him at all, and I hope he will learn not to blame himself anymore. I was thankful that he and Zitao grew up together well. I can only hope that they will continue to stay with each other as brothers, facing everything they had together their whole life.

 

I saw Zhongdae looking terrified as our eyes met. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he mouthed to me, and I only nodded my head, telling him that it’s okay. He shook his head and looked down, fighting off the tears, because Zhongdae was a man who did not cry. 

 

I saw Luhan, clutching onto Magistrate Shixun, who had pity and regret in his eyes. Luhan was grabbing his shirt, sobbing into his chest. I could not even see his face properly for one last time because it was red, splotchy, and buried in the uniform of our town magistrate. I can leave Luhan peacefully, knowing that he’ll be in good hands under Shixun’s love and care. 

 

I saw Zitao. He was crying, but he was looking at me straight in the eye. He didn’t need to say anything; he didn’t need to tell me goodbye, because I know we’ll meet again. He didn’t need to tell me he loves me, because I know just how much he does.

 

I saw Zitao, and only Zitao. Everyone in the crowd had disappeared, and we were at the cherry blossom path again. Everything was bright and full of light, and my soul felt free. It seemed he had stopped crying; how much I wished those were tears of happiness instead of tears of pain and sorrow. He smiled, and at this moment, I knew I was happy. I knew I could die at my happiest moment. 

 

The executioner brought the sword back, and swung it forward. 

 

I trust that there is another life.

  
  
  


Before Yifan could keep walking, he felt as if he needed to say something. Something important. He needed to get it off his chest, since his heart was literally screaming it out. The servant turned around, and saw that the scholar had stopped walking which surprised him.

 

"Huang Zitao?"

 

"Yes, Yifan?" he answered.

 

"I love you."

 

The cherry blossoms were falling all around them. The wind was softly blowing, making their robes dance swiftly and ruffling their hair. The sunlight peeked through the trees, bathing them with a warmth that reached their hearts.

 

"I love you so much," he repeated.

 

Zitao looked to the ground, but there was only one thing his mind was telling him to do. A smile was starting to spread across his lips, as he looked up at the scholar, straight into his eyes. At this moment, together, they were the characterization of sincerity and happiness. 

 

"I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:   
> “愿得一人心，白首不相离。” I shouted to Zitao. “心有灵犀一点通。”  
> "Catch one’s heart, never be apart. Lovers’ hearts are linked together and always beat as one."  
> Zitao weakly answered back, “有缘千里来相会。”  
> “We have the destiny to meet across a thousand miles.”
> 
> fun fact: While Yifan was cornered in his house, his father was planning an escape, so he did not hear news of Yifan being taken to prison. His father was laid off when Kyungsoo became ruler and he was planning to pick Yifan up. However, he heard about the execution date and rushed over, only to see his son's head sliced off.   
> fun fact #2: The villagers were never after Xiumin, they only used him as an excuse to arrest Yifan. That is why even after they accused him of being a traitor to the village by residing in Yifan's house, they didn't arrest him and left him alone while they were struggling with Yifan and fighting with Tao.
> 
> IT'S FINISHEDDDDDDD!!!!!!! Please comment!! It would seriously make my day!! (maybe kudos too while you are at it lol)  
> Thank you all so much for reading!! <3


End file.
